Interview with Toni Bernhard - On the Art and Science of Living with Chronic Illness

Unconditional Healing with Jeff Rubin

Jeff welcomes Toni Bernhard to talk about her journey with chronic illness, the loss of identity and self-blame that inevitably follow, and her dive into writing. To her surprise, that innocent endeavor spawned four Buddhist-inspired books - three on living well with illness and chronic pain, and one on walking the Buddhist path. Two of those books are on the Unconditional Healing recommended reading list.

We begin with Toni’s trip to Paris with her husband in 2001, where she shockingly developed a viral illness that continues to this day and changed her life dramatically. Initially dropping her Buddhist practice to focus on fixing her body, Toni had a “thunderbolt moment” when she consulted with noted Buddhist author Sylvia Boorstein who advised ‘Your body is sick, your mind isn’t sick'. From that moment, Toni related to her illness in a completely different way and her healing journey began in earnest.

She began to write as a way of checking in and touching her own pain, but Toni soon found that her writings had a universal value that would become her first book, How to Be Sick. In that book, Toni calls upon Buddhist teachings and resources as her guide, while also developing her own unique approach and practices to benefit those who are ill.

Some of the many gems from Toni that were “mined” in this episode:

Compassion as an antidote to suffering - “What I recommend that people do is to focus on the actual facts in their life that are the source of suffering and bring compassion to it by crafting phrases that address that. I have found nothing alleviates suffering more than being able to speak, silently or whispering, to yourself about whatever is a source of suffering for you at the moment.”

On working with the medical system - “What I recommend about any kind of illness is gather information. Instead of just grabbing at the first thing you hear and then shutting down around it.”

The loss of self-identity that accompanies a serious illness - “I would lie in bed and say, ‘if I’m not a law professor, who am I?’ I just felt worthless. And it’s interesting that what I learned from that is not to attach to any identity.”

The present moment as a refuge – “When you bring yourself to the present, there’s no suffering, even if you’re in pain there’s no suffering. Because all there is, is what you’re experiencing right now.”

Thoughts on death and dying - “One thing the Buddha taught me was to rely on my experience. And I don’t have experience of it (dying). I think it can be comforting for people to believe that there’s a continuation of some sort at death and I think that’s wonderful, but I can’t force that on myself, so I’m left with ’I don’t know', and trying to be ok with that.”

---------
If you enjoy this episode, please share this podcast with one other friend. Thank you!

To learn more about Unconditional Healing, please subscribe to our newsletter here.

Jeff also hosts a twice-monthly online meeting called the Healing Circle. It's free, and you’ll find like-minded folks with whom to learn and practice meditation and share the journey toward unconditional health and well-being. Note: You needn't be sick to benefit.

If you’d like to help support this podcast and Jeff's work and teachings, please consider becoming a patron by checking out Jeff's Unconditional Healing Patreon Page.