Participate Don't Anticipate

Warrior DIVAS | Real Talk for Real Women

Hello and welcome to Warrior DIVAS. This is your host Angie Monroe. And I'm delighted to be with you here today as we tackle a topic that is going to cause some angst for me, but as always, I want to remind you that our website is divasimpact com. You can also find us on Facebook under divas impact and if you want to join our group where we talk about all things diva, you can join us at divas making an impact group. And that's our Facebook group. It's a free group to be a part of. We talk about the podcast, we talk about our our blogs that we have and we just talked about life in general in there. So I look forward to connecting with you there and that is where we share all of our latest and greatest news first, so be sure to join in there. And if you're listening to this podcast today, I would love it if you would subscribe. And if You would like, and comment you would do any of that good yummy gummy good stuff to just help us get our rankings out there and help us grow

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I have a phrase that I use when we do events and when we take road trips and we do things with family or I'm doing things in business and that phrase is

participate, don't anticipate. So I have a lot of friends that are strong, well organized friends, some would call them control freaks. I know because I am one myself. And they expect to know all the details of everything we're doing.

But I like to surprise people. So last week, we were on a retreat with our team members. And as we were doing our retreat, we had several people that were wanting to know what was next and having an anticipatory plan as to what was coming next. And I'm one of those that like to keep them on their toes. And I want them to be engaged in the moment. Have you ever wanted that for somebody so much that they didn't even understand how fully that could be being engaged and in the moment, so I took the team to Pensacola. We were staying in Destin but I took them to Pensacola on the morning of September 11. We went over to the Naval Air Station there. And we watched the Blue Angels practice. And it was a dynamic site, watching those planes, knowing that everybody there was excited about what they were seeing. But for me, it was a little bit more than that. It was about being there in the moment with the military members on such a poignant date in our history.

We had women that were tied to the military, we had women that weren't tied to the military that were part of our group that day. And I just wanted to give them a glimpse of not only the excitement that was felt by the crowd that was there watching them, but the pride that the military members had as they performed for this crowd.

And knowing that, as the Blue Angels were flying at, however many miles per hour they were flying, I think they said 800 miles per hour. They were flying 18 inches apart the whole time and one of the girls in my group made the comment, I can't even walk next, my husband 18 inches apart without bumping into them. And they're flying at Mach Speed at 18 inches apart. You know, just having a different fresh perspective on things. was really what I wanted to talk to you about today. It's not being so anticipatory about the way you want something to come out, that you miss the blessing that happens in front of you. So there are people that I have done things with before that we're really good at this. They just went with the flow. They loved every moment that They just took the roles as they came. And they just embraced every moment with joy. And then I have people that had everything lined out in their head how everything was supposed to go.

And most of the time, the ones that weren't anticipating, had a better time than the ones that we're anticipating. Because we do this thing called romanticizing a scene before the scene ever happens, right? And then we set ourselves up to be let down.

I'm going to use an example here. And this is just a brief example. But coming home from a long trip, wanting our husband to meet us at the door with a big hug, maybe a bubble bath, dinner on the table, all those things that we deem as romantic in our mind, but we never communicate it to our spouse. So when we walk home and they're like, oh, you're home. Here's the mail. laundries open. If you want to wash your clothes, we get disappointed because it didn't play out in real life, like we expected it to play out in our head.

Now, I know I'm not the only one that's ever done this because I've heard from other women talking about it before that if they get disappointed because their husband didn't think ahead to order dinner for them, didn't think ahead, to plan to keep the laundry open for them didn't plan ahead, think that they might want a back rub or, or bubble bath drawn or anything along those lines. But what we do find is that when we communicate those things to our spouse, then we can set an intention. But have we ever put the shoe on the other foot? Have we ever asked our spouse how they would like the atmosphere set when they come home after a long trip, or a day at work?

Did they walk in the door and they hear us telling them all the things that went wrong with the kids and the dog and the cat that day? Or did they walk into the door with a Hey, honey, how was your day? dinner's almost ready. If you'll just go sit down and relax. I'll let you know when it's ready. Are we giving them a to do list of everything that needs to be done?

See, one of the things I've learned in in my marriage, and I'm still learning it some days I'm just gonna be real with you. Some days it's easier than others is to not walk in on my husband when he walks in the door and go, Hey, the lawn need me needs mowed. The tree needs trim the dogs need to be fed. You said outdoor stuff was your stuff you need to get this done. Instead what I do is I asked him how was his day?
Does he always asked how my day was?

No.

But when I wasn't frustrated with him over that I had that conversation with him. And I didn't use words like, you never asked how my day is because that's just untrue. He does. It may not be until 11 o'clock that night that he may ask me he may not ask me in the moment when I asked him may not be until 11 o'clock that night that he asked me or the next day, but he does ask me so I can't use the term he never. Or you always just come in and sit down and you're done for the evening. Well, I can't use those words either because my husband's a very hard working man and does a lot of things around the house to keep things going and he's constantly helping other people.

He may not always be helping me, which tends to make me sound more narcissistic. When I go that way, then I'm really comfortable admitting that I may be at times

so

Here's the challenge. What is it in your life this week that you've got planned down to a “T” must happen? You're going to hit these deadlines, all these things are going to happen. And then what is your belief about that? If it doesn't happen the way you want it to happen? Are you going to throw in the towel if it doesn't happen, dot for dot the way you want it to happen. Are you going to be able to go with the flow? Are you going to be able to embrace the opportunities that come your way? Are you going to be able to stop and smell the flowers because you are not anticipating but you are participating in the beautiful life that's unfolding in front of you. There are bad things that happen every day. It may be a car wreck, it may be a illness diagnosis, it may be one of many, many things that are bad things that come your way.

But there are also the possibilities of some very beautiful moments happening during those bad things.

I'm going to give you an example.

A friend of mine, mentioned to me the other day that while she was at the hospital while her husband was being diagnosed with an illness that will cost him his life. She had the moment to sit with a woman who was 99 years old.

On her toughest day, finding out that the man she loves will be gone, according to what the doctors say within two years due to this illness.

She took the moment to smell the flowers and visit with this woman and hear great stories of faith of what God can do.

See, she could have been focused on what the doctor said that day. But talking with that 99 year old woman, she found her faith. She found An opportunity to grab on to her prayer life like she's never grabbed on to it before.

Don't miss the blessings that are all around you. Take a moment. Instead of just shouting your order into the box out at the local drive thru. Be sure to learn the name of the person that serving your food, call them by name, talk with them. Ask them how they're doing and wait for it. stop and listen to the answer. Don't just say it so flippantly. Be willing to let your life be interrupted to see the beauty in your life. Let's not be so regimented.

This is something that is very hard for me because I'm a D personality. So I tend to kind of schedule this into my schedule until I get comfortable enough doing it on the fly.

So the other day, we were driving back and we were stopping at the Bucees in Orange Beach, Alabama and if you're listening to this and you don't know what a bucees is, is just come to Texas. We can show you what a bucees is.. But I was talking with one of the young men behind the counter and I called him by name. I told him Thank you Colby. I appreciate your help with this. And he was so surprised that I took the time to look at his name tag and know his name.

So I sat and talked with him for just a few minutes more. He wasn't busy. I wasn't holding him up from anything. But just giving that personal touch. I got to meet a very, very sweet young man who was not only concerned with himself and serving his customers, Well, he was awesome at making sure his team members knew that “hey, the time is getting close. And you're you're almost off the clock. I hope you are excited about what you've got going on out outside of work today.” He was really invested in the people and he was around. But see, if I just rushed up there and got my order from him and took off. It wouldn't have been as magical a moment, I wouldn't have known his name. And I would have missed out on watching someone serve their fellow human beings so well.

So, that's all I'm going to talk about today. I just want to remind you to be participatory in your own life. Don't be anticipating so much and setting yourself up for failed hopes and dreams. It's okay to hope and dream, but don't romanticize them to the point that they're unattainable. Set yourself up to be participatory, to communicate your hopes and dreams in a way that you can see them walk themselves out.

So, as always, I'm your host, Angie Monroe. And I hope you join us next time on the warrior divas podcast

We're going to talk about more things that are real topics that real women want to discuss. So when unTill next time, this is Angie Monroe. Talk to you soon. Bye bye