Episode 78: Back to School Digital Wellness Check up time!

The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

Back to school can be crazy, but don't let that stop you from doing these ten digital wellness check up tips to help you navigate the wild ride sure to come!

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FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources

FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources

For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store

Digital Resource tools:

BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)

Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)

Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)

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Gryphon Router CLICK HERE

Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)

Bark Home CLICK here!!

Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement

Mom Wellness recommended tips/tools:

Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!

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Other supplements I highly recommend

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Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)

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Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by PristineHydro (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) CLICK HERE

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Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

School is back in session for a lot of our kiddos. So that means that it is time for a tune-up when it comes to all the digital things, just to make sure that we have all of our ducks in a row and don't have too, too many headaches as we roll into this new school year and all the hecticness that comes with that. So that's what we're going to talk about today. Stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:24):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 3 (00:49):

He friends do, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids, smartphone and technology use it is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out.

Speaker 1 (01:24):

So thank you so much for tuning in today. I just want to say a real quick, thank you for those of you that have reached out to me with your condolences on my little brother's passing. I mentioned that in my last episode, if you didn't catch that he died in a tragic freak accident on August 9th. And so things have kind of been weird. He and I did not grow up in the same household, but we stayed close through the years, always communicating. And so it's just kind of weird to all of a sudden have him gone. You know, I took advantage of that, the idea that I would always have him there. So it's been weird to kind of walk through the grief around this because it was so sudden he was so young and I've lost grandparents before. But other than that, I've never lost anyone close to me like this, a sibling, especially.

Speaker 1 (02:12):

And so it's been weird. It's been hard. And then add on all of the craziness that we have going on in the world today with all of the COVID stuff and all of that. And it just really is made for one wild ride the last couple of weeks, but I'm glad to be back here today. I apologize for no episode last week, but I just had to take some mental time off from all of the different things that I am involved in just to get my head on straight again and get refocused. So I am excited today to bring this topic to you about things to think about in terms of tuning up your plan when it comes to the digital things, as we head back into school and all of the hecticness with that. So I have 10 tips that I want to go over with.

Speaker 1 (02:56):

You take them as you may, for what you will be helpful for you and your family, but just use these as starting points for you in order to figure out what to do so that you don't go nuts when it comes to managing this amongst all the other stress in your life, in your career, in all of the different things that you have going on. Okay. So number one tip is to look at parental controls on your kids' devices to limit distractions and have a starting place for how you're monitoring. So if you've been with me for a while, you've heard me say it over and over again, but if you haven't and if you happen to be new here, welcome number one, the be that mom community in the be that mom movement is what I hope to be a place that is safe for you to explore.

Speaker 1 (03:46):

I can't talk to explore how to be proactive in your kid's life with all the digital things and it not to have a negative connotation, but yet a place where you and your child and your family can walk together down this path, knowing that this is not going away. There's really no way to avoid it, and it can have an impact on their development and their health and all of that. And so it is important for us to be a proactive that mom that is strong in walking this path. So welcome if this is your first time listening. But the first thing that I would do is have parental controls. If they do have a smartphone and kind of access to the world through the digital things, have parental controls in place. If you're not familiar with those, the number one thing that I recommend is bark.

Speaker 1 (04:34):

If they have a smartphone or a pinwheel phone, it is a parental control system that is set up and monitored to monitor keywords and pick up on conversations and things to help alert you on what their activity is, but it is not completely all in their business all of the time. So it gives them some space while giving you some peace of mind. So it is a godsend when it comes to helping us navigate this. Now, if you are not in the U S which I know quite a few of my listeners are in other countries, I have done some episodes on some alternatives to bark. I believe it's available in Canada tube. I may be wrong on that, just thinking off the top of my head, but there are some other parental control things out there. Bark is the top one that I recommend because it's the one I'm most familiar with and what saved me in my hardest and most difficult days, trying to walk this path before this podcast was born and let me sleep again, because it was kind of like doing the work for me in all of the things that I didn't know I was supposed to be doing.

Speaker 1 (05:35):

It started doing those things for me, and it was just like a breath of fresh air. And I could sleep again, not having to worry in the back of my mind about what I was missing in terms of what activities were going on underneath the radar of what I could keep track of in my busy life and my busy days. So bark is a godsend or any other type of control system that you are aware of where you live, something that you can put onto their phone that will help you to monitor because there's absolutely no way for you to be able to keep track of everything. They delete messages. There are disappearing features on a lot of things. They're savvy, there's apps that hide things. They're just all kinds of things they're in. It is so hard to keep up with it. And another thing is, if you are new here, go back through my episodes.

Speaker 1 (06:23):

I have an episode that talks about the apps that they can use to hide things. And then I do talk about some of the other parental controls and numerous other things just on this one single topic. So please go back and listen to those. If you're wanting more insight on all of the things with that. The other thing that goes along with that is using, even if you don't have bark where you live using Barco MADEC, and I'll put the link in the show notes for that to access the show notes, you just swipe up on the screen of your phone, and that should give you the links. But Barco MADEC is a thing that bark made where you can go in and put in what devices they have, like what type of phone they have, what gaming consoles they're using, what movie streaming platforms you're allowing them to use, what apps they have, what games they have, all of the different things.

Speaker 1 (07:12):

And then it gives you an emailed template of setups for each one of those things. It is amazing because, you know, can you hear, imagine trying to figure out how to navigate roadblocks, how to set up the screen time controls on your iPhone, how to navigate through Fortnite and all the different things. Everything is different. There's so much out there. So Barca MADEC is something you can use that will be customized to you and your situation. And you can just go down the line and tune up what you have set up for them in each one of those things that you have decided that you were going to allow them to have access to. Okay. So that's the number one tip number two is to have a contract, some type of digital or tech contract with your kiddo. This can be as simple as you are going to have access to this from this time to this time each day, and all new apps need to be approved through me.

Speaker 1 (08:09):

You know, something that's simple, or you can go into much more detail about when they can use it, where they can use it, who they can talk to, if they can contact someone that you aren't aware of who that person is, all of those things. Okay. And again, I have multiple episodes that talk about some of these things and why it is important to know who they're contacting and all of the places that it's best to not have phone access allowed to be in like privately in a bedroom, all those types of things. Okay. So some type of tech or digital contract with them, it can be written. It can be verbal, whatever you feel is best. Okay. And then number three is I highly recommend that you connect with other parents of the kids, that your friends, your kids have, make a connection there, exchange phone numbers, discuss their viewpoint or their plan or policy or lack thereof of tech in their homes.

Speaker 1 (09:06):

If you're going to allow your kid to go there also perhaps open up a conversation, share my podcast, if that would be easier, but open up a conversation about all of the dangers you're aware of. If they're giving unfettered access to Snapchat, and you're aware of the risks in that, maybe just open up a conversation and discuss, Hey, I heard about this kid that was contacted with people trying to sell him drugs. Or I heard about this kid that he was approached on Snapchat and sent these pictures that are inappropriate. You know, those type of things, just open up those conversations. We have to get to a place where there is a common awareness among parents, that there are these inherent risks and the number of middle school kids. And I honestly think the middle school years are like the years where this really needs to be looked at and changed in, you know, just don't give a smartphone to a sixth grader.

Speaker 1 (10:05):

And I don't say that with judgment, if you have done that because I did that, I made all the mistakes, trust me. So when I talk about these things, trust me, I made all these mistakes and I learned the hard way, the very, very painstaking hard way and thought that I was the worst mother in the world for not being aware of these things and having a better handle of it until we were about to fall off the deep end. Right? So I say these things with no judgment, but looking back, I believe that no kiddos should have a smartphone in middle school, give them a pinwheel phone. That is like the best thing out there. If you were in a place where you have a pinwheel phone available, get them one of those or get them a tic talk watch, or now gab has a new watch that has come out.

Speaker 1 (10:51):

There's so many options other than a smartphone where you can still stay connected. They can stay connected with some friends that you have approved, that they can stay connected with all of those things. So we need to open up conversations with other parents and get everybody on the same page that also goes with the school and the teachers and making this something that we spread among everybody and understand that our kids are being influenced and their childhoods are being like hijacked with all of this digital stuff that we're just giving to them. And we think, oh, I just want to be the good mom. I want to be the fun parent. I want to be the one that gives them this stuff. And I just want them to have it. That was me. Okay. So whenever I say that, totally not mimicking, not like mocking you.

Speaker 1 (11:38):

That was me, but we need to open up that conversation. It doesn't have to be a negative thing, a bad thing, a place of conflict with other parents. If we can do it, you know, shoulder to shoulder, we are here to parent our kids together as a village, you know, and I want you as a part of my village so that we can move forward together and make sure that our children have the childhoods that they deserve to have and to have everything in life that they deserve to have in it, to not be hijacked by the digital games in the, just the unmonitored and no boundaries around digital access. Okay. Okay. So number four, you know, I've, I'm so very passionate about this. We have to continue to preserve the real world experiences by having boundaries in place that reduce the inherent temptation addiction, distraction of the devices.

Speaker 1 (12:32):

In of all of the things they're going to be spending their time in school, if you have them in face-to-face brick and mortar school. So they're going to have, hopefully non-digital learning time during school. So when they come home, you may have the propensity to be like, okay, go ahead and play your games. I'm fine. You've been in school all day. You've worked hard, go player games, okay, I've done that, but maybe have some boundaries in place for that to where that doesn't take the place of them going outside and shooting some hoops, riding their bike, playing with other kids in the neighborhood, whatever that looks like for you, reserve that real world experience of interacting with the world and with other people outside of school, because school is about sitting there and doing these things like everybody says to do and sit in the desk and be still and all of that stuff, but they still need play.

Speaker 1 (13:23):

Even as teenagers, they need play. They need time. That is not digital. So preserve those real world experiences by setting up boundaries of when and how long and where they can use those things outside of school. So that they're still doing those other things in life that will, and I have episodes about this too, but that having that in place is so powerful because what you will see if you haven't seen this already is when you allow more of the digital things, they become what I view as kind of addicted. And it'll seep in to their daily choices, their behavior, their attitude, it'll seep into other things of their lives, even if you don't really realize it at first, but when you allow it for longer and longer periods of time, it seeps into all those other things and will affect their sleep. What they're eating, how much they're eating, what choices they make with that, all of the things.

Speaker 1 (14:14):

So it's not benign to just let them have, you know, free reign of playing a game all evening long because they worked hard in school. Just try to set up some boundaries around that. The fifth tip is make time for real world conversations with them. Life is crazy. Life is weird right now. And when it comes to all of the digital things with social media, with not feeling like they're enough with the anxiety that is created by the digital connections and always being connected to something and connected to things in the world. I think that our children are more anxious and more stressed than any generation of children and not just the digital stuff, but with COVID and everything else. So a highly, highly encourage you to make time for real world face-to-face conversations with your kids. And I'm just saying this as a mother, that I try to set aside my digital stuff.

Speaker 1 (15:03):

When my kids are talking to me and really let them know that I'm listening to them, I fail at this sometimes for sure, or I'm distracted or I'm writing, you know, typing something, texting something to somebody, and I'm trying to get it posted or get it sent or whatever. But I try to be more mindful of that. I try to have face-to-face conversations with them and ask them directly how they're doing and what things are going on in the world that are scaring them. And all of that, the sixth tip is to model healthy digital habits. So I kind of said that with the fifth tip, but model healthy digital habits for yourself. So set up boundaries for yourself, set up where you are still doing real-world things for yourself. That is the most powerful thing that our children can see is us being an example in us showing them that we do not need to be on a social media app, or always checking in to see what's going on in other people's highlight reels, put the phone down and have real life experiences with your children and develop digital habits to where you are showing them that it is important to do these other things.

Speaker 1 (16:07):

The seventh tip is something that I mentioned, I think in my last episode, but it is coming up and I am so excited about it. It is called the digital wellness summit. This is something that you can purchase a ticket to. There are different levels of access with the purchase, but it is going to be September 25th and 26th. I am one of the guest speakers for the summit. There are multiple other ones with all sorts of background expertise and what things they are talking about. So regardless of the age of your children and where you're at in the kid raising years, there's something for you in this. So I highly, highly, highly recommend that you check out the digital wellness summit. It will be live September 25th and 26th. I will put links in the show notes for this episode. So swipe up or, you know, slide for that, find the digital, or find the show notes.

Speaker 1 (16:57):

And you can also go to my [e-mail] to find the link for that in my blog post for today's episode, but you can purchase those tickets and then have access to that information. And it's going to be such amazing, valuable information from so many different people or from around the world to their different countries. It's not just where I'm at in the U S so highly, highly recommend. You check that out. They're giving tips on how to manage your life with younger kids and older kids and all different things. So definitely recommend you check that out. The eighth tip I have is some of my free digital wellness downloads from my website. I will link those in the show notes as well. There's a couple of different ones there. I also have discount codes for some of the things that I recommend in there. Highly recommend that you check those things out.

Speaker 1 (17:42):

And if you have made a decision that you can see is not working well with your family or your kiddos temperament, all of that, please don't hesitate to course correct what you have done. Reassess, have a conversation with your kid and decide to change things. If you were seeing that that smartphone is not working well with them and their temptation, and they're constantly pushing against boundaries and things, look at one of the options I have listed for the alternatives to a smartphone or set up your layered approach that I talk about where you have multiple ways of monitoring. If you were worried about what they are doing, my ninth tip is something that I'm so excited. It's coming out in the next couple of weeks. I promise you that it is my be that mom movement method course. This is basically going to give you a method, a process, and a ton of tools for you to be able to navigate all the digital things for you to choose which devices are best, how to set them up.

Speaker 1 (18:37):

All. I will have contracts that you can print out to fill out with your kiddo in all sorts of other things, as resources, including all kinds of resources, you can show your kiddo to help them be aware of the dangers that are out there as well as resources of things, to help you. If you are needing more direct help, individual help, such as counselor or different resources that are out there for gaming addiction and other things like that. So this is going to have anything and everything that you need for a resource to help you navigate this digital world. I plan to update this on a regular basis as things change and evolve in our digital world. And so when you invest, you are going to be investing in something that is going to pay you back and help you as you go through these years of raising your kiddo, to be an amazing adult with amazing gifts that will not be stifled by all of the digital things, because you will have this method and all these tools at your fingertips.

Speaker 1 (19:33):

So I highly recommend that. And then the very last tip that I want to tell you about and something I'm so very passionate about. If you've listened to me for any length of time, you've already heard me say this, but I'm so very passionate about our own wellness and healthy habit choices. Each day. I probably have beaten this thing into the ground so many times with how much I mentioned it, but I am a nurse practitioner. I just finished an integrative health practitioner certification to help people to better align their daily choices and habits with their health and their wellness and the health and wellness of their family. So if that is something that you are struggling with, start with the basics, when it comes to your choices, it can be as simple as what you drink, choose water over other things, how much you move your body, how much you sleep, what stress you have in your body, de-stressing from your day, those types of things, and then getting yourself into a fitness and nutrition routine to where you are supporting your body.

Speaker 1 (20:30):

And I promise you when you align this, I can't say it enough through all of the hard things that I've been through with my family, from, you know, in 2019, when I hit a mega rock bottom with raising my kids without any awareness around the dangers of the digital things and really seeing the impact in them and just really feeling like such a horrible parent. And that's where the be that mom movement was born. At that time. A couple years prior, I had already established a routine of working out of eating better of drinking more water. All of those things I had already established that routine for myself. It was solid in terms of when I worked out each day and kind of my little morning routine of getting up and reading something positive and journaling, and doing a little bit of reflection and meditation, that all was solid before I went into that really hard time with my family.

Speaker 1 (21:24):

And that was such a strength for me during that time. And then again, when we started going through all of this stuff in 2020 and 2021, it has been a solid rock for me. And as I have done this more and more while my kids as teenagers were resistant to any of the changes I proposed to make, like things that I, how I cooked things, very resistant to making any change, but over time, they have seen the effect in me and it's had a trickle down effect with them to where now they are all making better choices. They all exercise on most days from the age they were at, it had to be a place of them basically deciding for themselves after seeing me do it, they weren't young enough still where I could tell them do this. And they did it, you know, like they just believed everything.

Speaker 1 (22:14):

I said, I had not gotten that routine in place until they were older. And so in those teenage years, you know, there's no way that you can just tell them things and them trust you they're resistant to anything that you say. And so just modeling that behavior has had a trickle down effect into their lives as well. And it's just been such a solid place of strength for me. And it sounds so weird to say that on one sense, because I used to be an exercise hater and very picky eater, my palette wasn't used to eating vegetables and things, you know, that were more natural from the earth. And it's taken me a while to adjust to that. But it's so weird to think that if you're not in the routine of working out in doing things like that, then you may be listening to me and saying whatever, but I promise you that it's so very powerful.

Speaker 1 (23:06):

Once you start walking that walk and realizing how much control you have within yourself to empower yourself and that when you have your health and you feel energetic and alive and not always like tired and run down and you can't stand how your clothes fit and all of that stuff, when you have that energetic life within you, it helps so many other things I can handle the stresses of being a parent in all of the stresses of all the digital things. I can handle everything so much better because I have my own health and I used to lose my temper a lot. I used to yell a lot. There used to be, you know, I just felt like I was giving my all to these kids. Like they were getting everything of me, all of me, and they didn't appreciate that. And so that would make me so mad because I'm like, I'm giving you everything.

Speaker 1 (23:54):

I'm sacrificing my entire life. And here you are. And you don't even appreciate it when ultimately they're kids. They're not meant to appreciate it, right? That's like their nature. They don't, aren't fully developed in their brain and all of that in order for them to have that appreciation that takes them maturing and growing up to get to that point. So it wasn't their responsibility. And, you know, I couldn't blame them for my health, but I was. But when you can take that back and hold that as you're, you are a mom, but you have this place that yours, when you have that place, it's yours. It is so very powerful and will have a trickle down effect. And so I have to mention that and include that as part of what I hope you will consider as you're going through some of these stressful days ahead as school is back in session COVID is all the mess is still going on.

Speaker 1 (24:47):

And, you know, you're just really trying to navigate all the different things. Don't forget your wellness. Don't forget drinking water every day, getting good quality, sleep, finding a way to reduce your stress when you feel like your stress is high. Even if it's as simple as taking some deep breaths for a few minutes, and then moving your body and getting more deliberate with how you move your body. For me personally, I just don't, I don't enjoy exercise enough to do it all the time without results. I want results. I want to see what I'm that what I'm doing is making a difference. I'm at the point to where I'm not really needing to lose weight, but when I was needing to lose weight, I had to be losing weight, or I was going to quit doing it because I didn't feel like it was something I enjoyed.

Speaker 1 (25:28):

So if you need a place of tools and in a community to help you with that, I have a place for that. I have a place for you that you can join. You have to be in the U S Canada, the UK or France in order to join that. But I have a place that you can join, and it has tons of tools for working out for how you eat or reducing stress, all of that stuff. It is just amazing. And then I have an online community that you can join for extra support there too, just to have a little group of women, that's doing it with you. Okay. So those are the top 10 tips that I have as I sat here. And I thought about what things could help us most as we're going into this school year, and stress is still high around all the things.

Speaker 1 (26:13):

So I hope that you found this helpful. I actually had a lot to say about this didn't I, because we're like going on 30 minutes. So I hope you stayed with me for that whole thing. And I really appreciate you being here. And I'm always very, very grateful for the be that mom movement community. So connect with me. If I can help you in any other way, check out the links for that digital wellness summit. I'm going to put them in the show notes, purchase your ticket. The best value. One is the one that's all access. And then I also will have the links for the free digital wellness downloads from my website. When my course comes out in the next couple of weeks, I will definitely be putting the links up for that. And then if you have any interest in the wellness tools that I use in the fit club that I have, I will put a link for that as well.

Speaker 1 (26:57):

Also, if you need deeper help with wellness and all of that, I'm putting together some options to help on a deeper level. If you're not wanting those fitness and nutrition tools that I use, but want to look more deeply at your mindset and what's holding you back, or if you are needing detox options or a way to kind of get yourself on track with gut health and all of that, I have that coming down the pike too. So stay tuned for all of that. And I will chat with you next time. Thanks so much for joining me today.

Speaker 2 (27:27):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time, either

Speaker 3 (27:41):

Before there you go. I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.