Episode 73: Wait till 8th? Give a phone sooner? What should we do?!

The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

Do we wait till 8th? Give sooner? Wait longer? Listen in for a few thoughts on finding a middle ground on that first phone or access to the digital things!

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Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So I hope you will forgive me with the extra sound that is likely going to be in the background of this episode. I have recorded it to whites and I am going to record it a third time here in trying to better articulate what it is that I want to get across with this episode. So today we are going to talk about how there is this movement for wait until eight or eighth grade. And then there is the school of thought that we shouldn't wait and there's all these people in between. And then there's all of these moms that are like, I don't know what to do. I can see the point between all of them. And so let's just dive into this a little bit today and talk about a few different perspectives. So you can kind of think this through a little bit more. If you're in the place where you are trying to decide when it is appropriate to give your kid a device,

Speaker 2 (00:59):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 3 (01:24):

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Speaker 1 (01:59):

Heard about it, the wait until eight, I think that's what it's called. I'm not in front of my computer now, cause I'm obviously outside, but the wait until eighth campaign is basically considering all of the different influences and impact is that the right word? Like all of the different things that our kids are exposed to and influenced by when we give them a smartphone. And the point of the campaign is to keep them from having a smartphone at such young ages. So if you look at that, the website for this campaign, they talk about all of the things that I always talk about in relation to what we should be aware of. When we give our kid a smartphone like their brain, not being completely developed, it being a distraction, it being addicting, it being a place where they can be contacted by strangers, where they can be bullied, where they can be drawn their normal childhood development activities.

Speaker 1 (03:03):

And it can be a place where they create a digital footprint that is maybe not ideal, as well as developing habits around using the tech and all of that, that influences their schoolwork, their sleep, their relationships in life, all of the things. So it lists out all of those things, all completely valid points and such a powerful message in this campaign. Now, what I see on the other end of the spectrum is parents struggling with this concept because it's hard to not give them a phone when all of their kids have one it's hard when other parents are not concerned or not aware, it's hard when other parents just, you know, are at a point to where they're not looking into this stuff. I'm not placing any judgment for that parent because I was that parent, but now we're learning and we know better. And there are tons of tools and different things out there that are available for us so that we can make this path easier.

Speaker 1 (04:07):

But what I want to say today is that I don't believe that we should come from the perspective of no tech, no smartphone, no nothing until a certain age. And then we move forward with it. If you've listened to some of my other episodes, you've probably heard me say this, but I basically do not believe that there is any set age, any set criteria, any set, black and white situation, or you are going to know that your kid is ready for that phone or ready for social media or ready for that gaming console. The bottom line is every kid is different. Every parenting situation is different and depending on what you allow and how you allow it, you will probably have to adjust and change your approach, make different rules, take a step back. Course-correct all of that is a normal part of us raising kids in the digital age.

Speaker 1 (05:04):

Now there's nothing abnormal about that. So when it comes to, when we give our kid a phone or allow them more access to the digital world, I believe that we need to take a step-by-step approach that basically helps them to develop the habits in the maturity, around what they are doing. It's a given that they're going to be curious that they're going to be drawn in. They're going to have a tendency to be addicted. It's a given that those things are going to happen. So it is up to us to have a plan in place in order for us to navigate that. Now this can look like what type of device you give, perhaps starting with a watch or relay go device or a dumb smartphone, and then progressing to a smartphone. Or this can look like what you do when you give that device.

Speaker 1 (06:01):

And I think this is something that needs to happen no matter what type of device you give, but when you allow it, where you allow it, how you have it locked down to where you control, what happens on that device? I think that this could look very different for each family. And I don't think there's necessarily a right or wrong as long as you are willing to adjust and reassess and course correct. As you see how your kid responds, if you were the parent that is working a 50 or 60 hour work week, and you don't have a lot of time to check in to see what's going on, to make sure that device has put away all of the things. Then I would recommend that you start very much in a, like a slower progression of things. Start with a device that is much more locked down and has things in place so that you don't have to do a lot of the legwork.

Speaker 1 (06:56):

One way to do that is as you give the device that has more access is to put bark on it or to put some type of parental control system on it and set up your layers. If you're not familiar with the layers, take a look at some of my other episodes, take a look at my free downloads that are in the show notes. And very soon I'm going to have a course coming out, which I've spoken about for a little while for a couple of months, actually, I'm going to have a course coming out. That's going to give you more of a game plan when it comes to what you do with your kids stuff. It'll give you resources to refer to. If you need outside help, it'll give you resources to utilize where you can print out and use them as a guide for making your plan for your family.

Speaker 1 (07:49):

For course, correcting all of that. I'm going to have some resources listed for you to share with your child. So together y'all can make a plan and an approach that comes from a place of love and proactive. You know, just kind of being mindful of all of the things I'm going to have that coming out soon. So I hope you will jump into that. I'm going to have it available with payment plan or discount if you were in need of that, but it's a place that is something that I want you to use as tools for progressing through this. But for today's episode, my point is this is not black and white and it's not going to be something that they're just going to be ready for at a certain age. That is my whole heart belief. After raising three kids through all of these digital things, I'm not completely done raising them, but I think we've gotten over the hump of our difficult years when it comes to how this influence them, without me being aware of all of the dangers and all of the things.

Speaker 1 (08:49):

So it's not black and white. I do think you need to have a plan. I do think that they're not going to come to an age and then they're going to handle it fine. Regardless of what age you start with, regardless of what device you use, you're going to need to take. Or I recommend that you take a step-by-step approach that allows incremental use of expanded responsibility, expanded testing the waters. I can't talk, just expanding on what they're doing, expanding how much reach they have out into the world and who they can access. And then also having a plan for reassessing and pulling that back in if need be. So I've seen arguments all across the spectrum of what to do with this. And I do not believe that it is something that just needs to be held off completely until a certain age. Of course, I don't think that we should be giving our children in elementary school, the smartphone, although I know a lot of parents are doing that.

Speaker 1 (09:49):

So hopefully this has made sense to you in the sense that I just feel like we need to take a different approach than just a certain grade or a certain age. It needs to be something that is based on your kid, your family, your plans, your ability to monitor all of those things. Okay. So hopefully there wasn't too much background noise on this and I can publish it. It is the third time that I have recorded it as I tried to get my mind around exactly what I wanted to convey while not overwhelming you too much and not creating too much anxiety, which the last version of what I recorded, I created anxiety and myself talking about it. And so I'm like, oh, that's too much. I know that there's a lot to be anxious about with all of this, but I certainly don't want you coming away from my podcast.

Speaker 1 (10:37):

Every time you listen to me and think, holy cow, I can't deal with that today. So hopefully you found this helpful check out my free downloads in the show notes and check out some of the discount codes that I have for all of the different tools that I recommend for keeping your kids safe in our digital world and helping to guide them on this process. And then I also highly, highly, highly recommend that you make sure you were prioritizing your own wellness and your kids are watching. And even if you have not had a clue of how to approach that, because life is busy and all of the things I promise you that it can be simplified into baby steps. I have done it. And then while I lived with a lot of mom guilt around not knowing how to do that in my life and to guide my kids now that they are older, they are definitely are.

Speaker 1 (11:27):

They have definitely been watching what I do with my wellness and they are starting to make those same choices for themselves. So if you need simplified tools for workouts, for nutrition, for just getting your mind in the right place, getting all of the daily habits in place to support yourself and to support your family, I would love to connect with you. Please also check out my social media sites. I've got my main Dolly Denson account on Instagram and I also a podcast account called the underscore be that mom movement, as well as a fitness focused page, which is Dolly Denson fit. And my website is Dolly denson.com. And I have channels on telegram and a community on Facebook. So please connect with me wherever you are. And I'm glad to help and chat with you in help you guide down this path. And then also check out my course once I get that published shortly. All right. So much.

Speaker 2 (12:26):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 3 (12:41):

Holy moly, check this out. If you were a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out [e-mail] use code, be that mom 10 for a day.