Part 2: Support Groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics with Gary Seidler

Sex, Love, and Addiction

Dr. Rob speaks with Alcohol Counselor Gary Seidler about the long-term effects children experience when living in an alcoholic home. Gary and Dr. Rob talks about trauma, the importance of storytelling and the ability to vocalize some of your unique experiences with addiction, and they offer clarification on what is considered a true addiction in this week’s episode.

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:45] At the root of every addiction, there is some form of trauma.

[4:25] What is the difference between big T and little T trauma?

[7:30] More and more people are talking about the traumas they grew up with.

[9:40] How do you know if you have an addiction? Isn’t technically everything an addiction?
[14:00] Children of alcoholics are completely focused on the other person.

[14:45] Gary is currently writing a book for adult children of sex addicts. What are some of the similarities/differences Gary sees among this group?

[17:20] Adult children of sex addicts often carry a lot of shame about their own sexual behavior and sexuality.

[19:30] These adult children have a very unique lens of extremes. Gary expands on what this means.

[22:10] How do these adult children deal with intimacy?

[23:30] With the internet, you’re just one click away from seeing whatever sexual content you want.

[26:45] Unfortunately, young children are learning about sex from porn.

[31:05] Are you sure you don’t need help? Remember that denial is the enemy.

[33:30] Sex addiction feels so personal to the family even though it’s not the spouse or children’s fault.

[36:05] Your internal shame can slowly go away by talking about it in a support group.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Gary on LinkedIn

QUOTES:

• “When our family [appears] perfect or you don’t talk about it, we don’t learn.”

• “Nobody comes to treatment to grow personally. People come in because they’re in crisis.”

• “We adapt to situations that are intolerable when we love somebody.”