What Hostage Negotiation Can Teach Us About Effective Communication with Scott Tillema

Leading the Rounds

Intro:

Scott Tillema is an FBI trained hostage negotiator and active law enforcement officer. Scott teaches organizations how to use the power of life saving negotiation principles to enhance their work. He has developed a powerful model for safely resolving crisis situations, which is now being recognized and adapted by the private sector for use in sales, communication, influence, and leadership. He was invited to the most famous speaking stage in the world, TED, to share his approach to negotiation. His talk, "The Secrets of Hostage Negotiators" has amassed over one million views.

We hope you enjoy this episode where we talk about stress inoculation, reading people, and effective communication.

Welcome to Leading the Rounds!

Questions We Asked:

• How did you become involved in hostage negotiation?
• What are the biggest challenges in being a hostage negotiator?
• What are things that helped you go from training to practice?
• How do you effectively communicate with someone very different than yourself?
• How do you judge if a conversation is moving in the right direction?
• What is your strategy when a negotiation is not working?
• What is the longest negotiation you have been a part of?
• What tips do you have for reading body language and voice inflection?
• What would you tell yourself if you could go back to the beginning of your career?

Quotes and Ideas:

• The people that are effective communicators are curious about those they are communicating with, and work to find a common bond.
• Hostage Negotiation Framework:
  • Understanding: Try to understand the situation
  • Timing: Actively listen before making requests
  • Delivery: How you speak is just as important as what you say
  • Respect: Mutual respect drives good negotiation
• “We make our decisions based on emotion, not because we are using reasoning and logic.”
• When a negotiation moves from a monologue to a dialogue, it is moving in the right direction.
• FBI Behavioral Change Stairway Model
• Paul Ekman Resources on Micro Expressions
• Logotherapy: a therapeutic approach that helps people find personal meaning in life.
• “We feel empowered when we have a purpose, vision, and mission.”
• Scott’s Mission, “To inspire people of all backgrounds to be great negotiators.”
• Advice to younger self, “Don’t be afraid.”

Book Suggestions:

• Hostage at the Table: How Leaders Can Overcome Conflict, Influence Others, and Raise Performance by George Kohlrieser
• Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as you Negotiate by Roger Fisher