Learning To Let Kids Go and Embracing Mistakes with Jessica Whytehorn

Jo & JJ Go Mental

Jo’s good friend, HR Manager, and super step-mom Jessica Whytehorn joins the show this week. She talks with us about families from different backgrounds coming together to form a strong and respectful unit. Jessica shares her own story about how she adapted to a family that originally spoke different languages, and worked to create an element of respect and tolerance. Jessica also talks with us about how to know when to let go so the kids can fly the nest. We may be thinking the kids are not ready to be on their own or even just to take a small step towards independence, but very often it comes from the grown up not being ready. There may never be a moment and sometimes it’s just a matter of letting go bit by bit for both. How do we know when it’s time? Tune in and let’s discuss.

Takeaway:

[0:59] Jessica is an HR manager passionate about inspiring others. She has a strong belief that clear and effective communication skills can help manage almost any situation. She is also a mom to a step family of three kids, with a mix of different countries and native languages.

[3:07] Besides admittedly being a wee bit insane, Jessica joined the show because she wanted to say yes, we are all a little crazy, and that is more than okay. We are not perfect, and we can learn from our so-called failures.

[6:02] Jessica has embraced taking risks in her life and left her Jamaica home at 21 to move to Britain and eventually Belgium. Living in different countries has shown her that when you appreciate people’s differences, you can embrace them on all levels.

[7:28] It’s okay to still be playful as an adult. We often take our lives so seriously that we forget it’s fun to have fun, and allowed!

[9:00] Jessica shares a story about watching a swallow make a nest and how it dawned on her that if birds understand that their young must leave at some point, why can’t humans get this? As adults, we are scared to let our children go and have them fly the nest.

[11:12] First, we must validate the fear and heartbreak that comes with being a parent.

[17:10] Sometimes as adults we forget that they are still kids. On the one hand, are the parents ready? Jo, J.J., and Jessica share their perspective on when a child actually becomes an adult that can be out on their own. It doesn’t have to be one big event such as them moving out, but even just going for a drive the first time, or in Jessica’s sons case, learning to hand wash their own jeans.

[24:54] When you teach your children basic skills and a little responsibility, you are also showing them that you trust they can do it. This builds confidence and self esteem.

[27:15] Jessica talks about the way she brought about her step family, and immersed them into a new language. French is spoken at home and the kids are bilingual, so they are used to speaking both English and French at home.

[30:02] J.J. gives her tips for blended families. The one thing everyone agrees on is that the parents need to be a united front. Jessica very much appreciates that her kids refer to themselves as brother and sister rather than step-siblings, even when she and her husband did not insist upon it.

[34:45] It’s becoming more common to have a blended family, but yet so many situations are very turbulent. J.J. notes the grace in which Jessica has pulled it off by consistent commitment and understanding.

[35:35] We hear from a new step-mom who writes in with a question. She wants to get involved with her boyfriend’s three children, but not sure where to draw the line. The young child recently said she wanted to be a stay at home mom like her own mother, and this step-mom didn’t know if she should have offered her other opinions? First, it’s best to just be there as a sounding board, and this child may be too young to even need a second opinion on their future career. It’s important to never belittle the mom, and know that the child just wants to be heard. Unity in parenting is of utmost importance.

[42:40] When reading books on parenting advice, pay attention to your instinct and gut to see if anything resonates with your values. It’s okay to screw up, but you want to make mindful decisions as both an individual and on behalf of your family. Write the values out and involve the kids so they have clarity about the general infrastructure within your family unit.

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