In a world obsessed with sharing every detail of life, there’s one thing that few people ever share: problems in their marriages. Real problems: adultery, pornography, prostitution, and the dysfunction that comes from hiding trauma and wounds of the past. Join Phil and Priscilla as they transparently share how God rescued their marriage, and how He can rescue yours too! For more information about Savage Marriage, visit www.savagemarriageministries.com
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Whatever It Takes Ministries Radio Podcast is dedicated to helping couples and individuals do Whatever it Takes to succeed in marriage and in life.
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Episode #43: "Chapter 12, Radical Courage and Vulnerability" (The Last Chapter!)
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After experiencing God's healing in our marriage, we wanted to share with others what He had done for us. It gave purpose to our pain, and every opportunity we had to share reminded us of what God had done. But this meant that we had to sometimes share very personal details of our journey. As we did this, we gave other couples "permission" to trans…
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Episode #42: Chapter 11, "Discovering True Sexual Intimacy"
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After going through the pain of betrayal, many couples struggle with whether, when and how to reengage again sexually. In fact, some studies suggest that 20-30% of all couples live in a sexless marriage. Is it really possible to create new feelings of sexual desire and intimacy after suffering the pain of betrayal? Or to create sexual intimacy that…
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Episode #41: How Forgiveness led to Becoming Battle Partners: Rey and Jane's Resurrection Story (Part 2)
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In Part 1 of Rey and Jane's story, Jane described how she forgave Rey for a 10-year relationship he had with her sister. Rey described how it was so hard for him to accept Jane's forgiveness, believing that forgiveness was only for people who were better than him. Today, you're going to hear how this path of mercy, grace and forgiveness took them t…
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Episode #40: When Forgiveness Looks Impossible: Rey and Jane's Journey of Healing (Part 1)
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We first heard Rey and Jane Alvarenga's story 7 years ago, and it was instrumental in helping us believe that God could rescue our marriage, no matter how big the pit was that we had dug. Today, we're so pleased to introduce Rey and Jane to you. We've served with them for the past five years at weekend intensives with Whatever it Takes Ministries, …
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Episode #39: How to Escape Temptation
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When you hear the word "temptation", what feelings do you have? Sin? Failure? Frustration? All these feelings are normal, because few people know how to escape from temptation. Join us for this podcast, where we share with you the game changers in our marriage that have allowed us to understand that temptation is a testing, but doesn't need to nece…
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Episode #38: Chapter 10, "Embracing our Emotions"
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After going through the pain of betrayal, many couples settle for just getting back to a functional marriage, but not one that's emotionally intimate. Is it really possible to recover feelings of emotional connection? Or to create emotional intimacy that never existed before? Join us as we read Chapter 10 of our award-winning book, Savage Marriage,…
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Episode #37: Chapter 9, "Spiritual Fuel"
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We'd always believed that emotional and sexual intimacy were the keys to a great marriage. But when our marriage broke down after 28 years, we wondered what happened. Was it possible that there was more to marriage than emotional and sexual intimacy, and we had missed it all these years? Join us as we read Chapter 9 of our award-winning book, Savag…
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Episode #36: Do You Ever Feel Like You're Just Roommates? Three Things that Transformed our Marriage (and They'll Transform Yours Too!)
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We had a lot of ground together after Phil "came clean" seven years ago. Our 28 year marriage was functional, but we still felt like roommates, always wanting more, but settling for less. And we thought everyone else was in the same boat. But seven years ago, we discovered three things that have made all the difference, and we believe these three t…
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Episode #35: Chapter 8, "Unseen Forces in Our Minds"
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Have you ever struggled with intruding thoughts that seen to take you hostage, dictating how you will think, feel and act? Well, we sure did! Join us as we read Chapter 8 of our award winning book, Savage Marriage, Triumph over Betrayal and Sexual Addiction. You'll see that not every thought in your mind is yours! We encourage you to share this pod…
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Episode #34: "And then She Threw Your Book Across the Room."
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We receive lots of feedback on our book, Savage Marriage: Triumph over Betrayal and Sexual Addiction, and sometimes there are some strong emotional responses, like when someone says their spouse threw our book across the room or out the window. So, what do we say when we hear reactions like this? We say, Hallelujah! At least what's been on the insi…
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Episode #33: Chapter 7, "Freedom from Shame"
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We're releasing the audio version of our award-winning book, Savage Marriage: Triumph Over Betrayal and Sexual Addiction, chapter by chapter, every few weeks on this podcast! If you're someone who'd rather listen to the story than read it (complete with all our emotions on full display), this podcast is for you! In Chapter 7, "Freedom from Shame," …
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Episode #32: Chapter 6, "Confessing Secret Sins"
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We're releasing the audio version of our award-winning book, Savage Marriage: Triumph Over Betrayal and Sexual Addiction, chapter by chapter, every few weeks on this podcast! If you're someone who'd rather listen to the story than read it (complete with all our emotions on full display), this podcast is for you! In Chapter 6, "Confessing Secret Sin…
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Episode #31: Chapter 5, "Releasing the Power of Humility"
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We're releasing the audio version of our award-winning book, Savage Marriage: Triumph Over Betrayal and Sexual Addiction, chapter by chapter, every few weeks on this podcast! If you're someone who'd rather listen to the story than read it (complete with all our emotions on full display), this podcast is for you! In Chapter 5, Phil describes how he …
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Christmas, Why It's Not The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
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Christmas has the reputation of being the most wonderful time of the year. But is it? In this episode Paul and Niki talk about why Christmas is their favorite time of year while exploring why many may not feel that way. Unfortunately, Christmas can be a time of loneliness and great heartache. With so much about Christmas seeming superficial, what c…
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Episode #30: Let's Talk About Masturbation
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While talking about porn has become mainstream in many churches, using the "M" word - masturbation - hasn't. Even mentioning it seems to evoke feelings of shame, with many people choosing less offensive words, like "solo sex" or "self-pleasuring". But masturbation has real effects on our body, soul, and spirit, and realizing freedom from the associ…
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Episode #29: Chapter 4, Unlocking the Door to Forgiveness (Audio Book)
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We're releasing the audio version of our award-winning book, Savage Marriage: Triumph Over Betrayal and Sexual Addiction, chapter by chapter, every few weeks on this podcast! If you're someone who'd rather listen to the story than read it (complete with all our emotions on full display), this podcast is for you! In Chapter 4, Priscilla describes ho…
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Episode #28: Chapter 3, Savage Marriage: "Secrets Shatter our Marriage" (Audio Book)
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We're releasing the audio version of our award-winning book, Savage Marriage: Triumph Over Betrayal and Sexual Addiction, chapter by chapter, every few weeks on this podcast! If you're someone who'd rather listen to the story than read it (complete with all our emotions on full display), this podcast is for you! In Chapter 3, Phil and Priscilla des…
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Episode #27: Why "Date Night" and the "30-day Sex Challenge" Won't Work
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"Date Night" has become almost a required step for every couple to have a successful marriage, promising emotional bliss for couples who'll stay committed to one night a week alone. And when date night doesn't work, some couples throw in more sex, following programs like the "30-day Sex Challenge". Yet, we meet many couples whose marriages are stru…
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Episode #26: Savage Marriage, Chapter 2: What's Been Planted Grows (audio book)
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We're releasing our audio version of our award-winning book, Savage Marriage Triumph Over Betrayal and Sexual Addiction, chapter by chapter, every few weeks on this podcast! If you're someone who'd rather listen to the story than read it (complete with all our emotions on full display), this podcast is for you! In Chapter 2, Phil and Priscilla desc…
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Episode #25: Savage Marriage, Chapter 1: Two Crooked Sticks (Audio Book)
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We're releasing our audio book chapter by chapter, every few weeks on this podcast! If you're someone who'd rather listen to the story than read it (complete with all our emotions on full display), this podcast is for you! Share it with a friend, and subscribe so you don't miss an episode. You'll be glad you did! And if you don't want to wait for a…
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Episode #24: Is the Husband Really the Head?
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If you are a husband, you may have been intimated with the idea that husbands are the "head" of the wife. If you are a wife, you may have been appalled with how your husband has wanted to sometimes rule over you, like you didn't really have a voice or significance. But do you really know what the Bible means when it says the husband is the head of …
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Episode #23: Why "Accountability" Didn't Work for Me
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Accountability groups have been around for decades and seem to represent the essential pedigree for a good Christian man wanting to show others he's serious about his walk with God. But what happens when men in these groups continue to experience unwanted sexual behavior, sometimes for years, with no apparent improvement? And what about their wives…
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Episode #22: Bringing Healing from Porn into the Church, with guest Sam Black, Author of "The Healing Church"
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Did you know that about two-thirds of Christian men and about one-third of Christian women say they have an ongoing struggle with porn? Did you know that only about 7% of churches offer any type of support resources in this area for their congregations? Join Phil and Priscilla, as they talk with their guest, Sam Black, Director of Recovery Educatio…
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Episode #21: Is it Time to Change Counselors?
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When marriages are in crisis, the question of which counselor to use, or whether you should change counselors, is a tough one. It's full of emotion, and sometimes a lot of history. Join Phil and Priscilla today as they unpack this thorny issue and share with you questions that you should be asking about your counselor...and also about yourselves. P…
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Episode #20: Relapse isn't the End of Your Story!
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Nothing is more discouraging than facing a relapse after you've experienced freedom. But a lot of people experience relapse, and it isn't the end of their story. In fact, God wants to show you His plan for overcoming not only the disappointment of relapse, but also for living in freedom afterward. Yes, the cycle of relapse can make you want to give…
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Episode #19: How "Coming Clean" was Much More than Disclosure
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Every troubled marriage needs a turning point, where all the hurt, pain and secrets come to light so that God can heal and restore what remains. For many, that day is when their spouse reveals their secrets and shame. But "coming clean" can be much more than just a disclosure of offenses. It can be a throwing off a life of hiding to embrace a new l…
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Is sex a need? There are very few questions that will generate as much emotion...and impact...in your marriage as this one. Join Phil and Priscilla today as they explain the importance of seeing this question from God's point of view, and how they processed it in their own recovery. Phil and Priscilla's book, Savage Marriage: Triumph over Betrayal …
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Episode #17: Forgiveness isn't Natural
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Has someone offended you, and you just can't seem to forgive them? Do you cringe every time you think of them as the pain of what they did wrings out your heart? These feelings aren't unusual. We all have to deal with forgiving people who don't seem to deserve it, or who don't even apologize. Join Phil and Priscilla today as they talk about the rea…
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Episode #16: Why My Apology Didn't Work
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Has someone ever told you that your apology just wasn't good enough? Unfortunately, most people learned how to apologize on the playground growing up, when someone told them to "Just say you're sorry, Johnny!" It didn't work then, and it doesn't work now. Powerful apologies have the ability to touch the wound of the person you've offended and move …
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Episode #15: This is the Hardest Thing to Change
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We've seen couples conquer mountains in their marriages - really difficult situations, like betrayal, wounds from their past, and addictions. But after all these battles have been won, it's not unusual that one thing still remains, and it's the hardest thing to change. Join us on this episode, and we'll discuss what it is...and how to change it! Ph…
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Episode #14: The Power of Your Tears
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When was the last time you cried? Did you know that your tears are so precious to God that He collects then in a bottle? (Psalm 56:8) Join us today as we talk about the power of your tears, how they show the cleansing and transformation going on inside of you, and how they also have the power to affect others. Phil and Priscilla's book, Savage Marr…
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Episode #13: Five Years Later, We're Still Making Adjustments!
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Are you going through recovery and reconciliation and wondering how long it will take? We know that the pain and trauma of your past can be suffocating, and that just getting through each day can feel overwhelming. We experienced the same feelings 5 1/2 years ago. Today, join us as we talk about the keys to our reconciliation...and what we're still…
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Episode #12: Is Your Control Out-of-Control? (Part 2 - Boundaries)
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Have you ever been frustrated because your spouse ignores the boundaries you've set for them? Have you ever wondered what you're doing wrong, and why boundaries just don't seem to work in your marriage? Join Phil and Priscilla as they discuss five key principles for using boundaries effectively in your marriage. Used properly, boundaries can put yo…
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Episode #11: Is Your Control Out-of-Control? (Part 1)
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Many marriages and families suffer from an overcontrolling spouse. Where does overcontrol come from, and what can you do if you live with someone who's overcontrolling? Join Phil and Priscilla as they share how they addressed their own tendencies to overcontrol. It's time to let go...and let God heal the fears and pride that fuel the overcontrol in…
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Episode #10: Your Problem is You have no Problems
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Are you stuck in the middle of an offense with your spouse and just can't figure out a way forward? Join Phil and Priscilla as they talk about one of the keys to getting on the path to reconciliation. Phil and Priscilla's new book, Savage Marriage: Triumph over Betrayal and Sexual Addiction is now available on Amazon.com. We encourage you to buy a …
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Episode #9: Talking with your Kids about Sex
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Many parents struggle with what to tell their kids about sex. How early should they start? Should Mom, or Dad, or both share? Should they share their own failures and problems around sex? Join Phil and Priscilla, and their daughter Sarah, as they unpack keys for healthy and spiritually rich communication with kids about sex. Phil and Priscilla's ne…
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[PODCAST #25] How To Be Free - Part 1
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In this podcast, Paul & Niki share a previously recorded interview that Paul gave on Savage Marriage Ministries podcast show with Phil Fretwell. Paul and Phil talk about what real freedom looks like and how to get and maintain it in your life. Phil & Priscilla Fretwell are the founders of Savage Marriage Ministries.…
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Episode #8: How to be Free, Part 2, with Paul Speed, from Whatever it Takes Ministries
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Experiencing real freedom from behaviors and thoughts that weigh down your soul is possible, even though many people don't believe it because their personal experience tells them they are destined to have repeated cycles of failure. On this episode, Phil Fretwell and Paul Speed, co-founder of Whatever it Takes Ministries, discuss the keys to living…
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[PODCAST #24] New Book! Interview with Phil & Priscilla Fretwell
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In this podcast, Paul & Niki interview Phil & Priscilla Fretwell about their brand new book Savage Marriage. This book is the true, raw, gut-wrenching journey of betrayal and healing of Phil and Priscilla’s marriage. Each, from their own perspectives, describe Phil’s confession of his secret betrayal that began with pornography but progressed to ma…
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Episode #7: How to be Free, Part 1, with Paul Speed, Whatever it Takes Ministries
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Experiencing real freedom from behaviors and thoughts that weigh down your soul is possible, even though many people don't believe it because of their personal experience with repeated cycles of failure. On this episode, Phil Fretwell and Paul Speed, co-founder of Whatever it Takes Ministries, discuss the keys to living a life of real freedom. For …
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[PODCAST #23] A Major Roadblock to Healthy Communication
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Fear Is A Major Roadblock To Healthy Communication In this podcast, Paul & Niki share how fear can derail a couple from experiencing healthy communication.
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Episode #6: Say Goodbye to Your Triggers
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Many people live their lives in a prison of triggers, always trying to manage, avoid or deny what they're feeling when they experience something that reminds them of emotional pain from the past. Rather than managing triggers, Phil and Priscilla discuss how you can walk free from them by honestly discussing, evaluating, and getting rid of things th…
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In this podcast, Paul & Niki share foundational keys to healthy communication that they have practiced in their marriage.Av Paul & Niki Speed
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Episode #5: Spirit-led Sexual Intimacy
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God is with us wherever we go, but somehow we think this doesn't mean the bedroom! Have you and your spouse ever considered inviting the Holy Spirit into your intimate moments? When John 16:13 says the Holy Spirit will lead you into "all the truth," this means all - even truth about your sex life! Join Phil and Priscilla as they transparently unpac…
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Niki's Story - Overcoming Fear and Shame
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In this podcast, Niki shares her story of how she found hope, healing, and freedom.
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Episode #4: How to be HOT Every Day (Honest, Open, and Transparent)
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The intimacy in your marriage will never be more than your transparency. Join Phil and Priscilla Fretwell as they talk about how they became HOT (Honest, Open, and Transparent) every day with each other, their family and their friends.
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Grief - A Recap Since Jenny's Passing
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In this podcast, Paul & Niki share what the last 2.5 years have been like since Jenny's death. Paul shares his experience personally and with the ministry.
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Episode #3: Getting Rid of Your Sexual Baggage - Part 2: Previous Relationships
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Previous relationships can rob you of experiencing true intimacy with your spouse. Join Phil and Priscilla as they share how to identify these intimacy robbers, and get rid of them, so that you and your spouse can be free to create beautiful new memories of one another.
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Episode #2: Getting Rid of Your Sexual Baggage - Part 1
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Sexual baggage from previous relationships or things that you've done can be a real problem in your marriage. These memories can steal moments of true intimacy that are meant only for you and your spouse. Join Phil and Priscilla as they discuss how to get rid of your sexual baggage so you can develop true intimacy with your spouse. Like us on Faceb…
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Episode #1: Savage Marriage - Chapter One (Two Crooked Sticks)
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Phil and Priscilla read chapter one of their new book, Savage Marriage: Triumph over Betrayal and Sexual Addiction, available now on Amazon.com. Ten years into their marriage, they dealt with disappointment and despair when Priscilla discovered Phil was using porn, not knowing this was only the beginning of the real trauma and grief they would expe…
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