Dharma talks from meditation teacher Mary Stancavage. These focus primarily on the pragmatic aspects of Buddhist teachings and philosophy drawing strongly on wisdom and heart practices. All are viewed through the lens of learning to live with an Undefended Heart. (photo by @kimanhuynh)
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It Can't Be Different from the Way It Is
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19:01
A common reminder in meditation practice is that our experience can not be different from the way it is as much as we would like it to be. The same invitation to be present with the moment applies through all aspects of our life. The root of so much dukkha is our inability to be with reality. Acknowledging the moment as it is takes us closer toward…
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The Eight Worldly Winds are a teaching on equanimity. Recognizing the winds of pleasure and pain, gain and loss, praise and blame, fame and disgrace that blow for all of us is important in our journey towards liberation. The Buddha says each of us feel these winds and it's important to see them as part of the human condition and not personal. Letti…
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Mary reflects on 16 years of teaching the Saturday Afternoon Sit class. In looking at all the changes that can happen in 16 years. it became clear that so often we get hung up on finding a 'there'. We spend our time and energy working to achieve something that will get us where we want to be, only to find out there is always something else. As the …
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In this very personal talk Mary reflects on the Five Remembrances and how they invite us to embrace our humanity, open to vulnerability and live each day as if it were our last. Recorded August 17, 2024 in the virtual world Send me a text with any questions or comments! Visit Mary's website for more info on classes and teachings.…
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The Buddha taught that fixed views and self-view were some of the biggest obstacles to liberation. We are stuck in beliefs about others and ourselves that may or may not be true, but which have tremendous impact on how we relate and react to the world. In this talk, Mary discusses the different types of views, how they develop, and what we can do t…
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The Eightfold Path is the Buddha's teaching on how to live in a way that ends suffering and moves us towards liberation. It is a guide for living in this world and our experiences of the human condition. Mary offers a broad overview of the path and how we can put them to use in our own lives. Recorded August 4, 2024 for Insight Community of the Des…
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When we can slow it down, it may be easier to navigate the complexities of life. In this reflection, Mary talks about being fully present for the uncomfortable and comfortable moments that we have throughout each day and how it may be that present time awareness is like slow-motion. It's also important that we do this with a kind and gentle gaze. R…
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This is a moment where the reality of groundlessness - impermanence - is front and center in our lives. What we should realize is that the world is constantly shifting and our inability or unwillingness to be with uncertainty can cause so much stress and pain. Mary discusses how to be radically open to our lives and the world and how recognizing th…
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The invitation to relax, observe and allow is a wonderful meditation instruction, but it's also a way we can bring mindfulness to our everyday lives. It's a practice of equanimity, awareness and liberation - simple yet profound. Recorded July 11, 2024 in the virtual world Send me a text with any questions or comments! Visit Mary's website for more …
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Continuing last week's theme of experiencing liberation in this moment, Mary looks at Stephen Batchelor's teachings on embracing our existence and opening to the everyday sublime which is available to each of us at any moment. Recorded July 6, 2024 in the virtual world Send me a text with any questions or comments! Visit Mary's website for more inf…
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Do Good. Avoid Bad. Purify the Mind.
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In this podcast, Mary reflects on the teachings of Buddhadasa Bhikkhu and his concept of "everyday nirvana". If we can follow the Buddha's direction to not cling to anything as I or mine, we will have the freedom and liberation offered by this path. That letting go can happen at anytime - our meditation practice creates the conditions for it - and …
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How Do We Do the Dharma - The Path of Kindness.
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The Paramis are 10 qualities of the heart that it is said we need to develop for awakening. Sylvia Boorstein says they are the natural inclination of the heart and are gifts that we give to each other - they are a path of kindness. These qualities, which include generosity, willingness, and patience, are something we can work with in our daily live…
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Dropping the Self and Opening to Joy
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One of the heart practices - or brahma viharas - is Mudita, or appreciative joy. This challenging practice invites us to be happy for the wholesome good fortune of others, even those people we may not like. This is a challenging practice because we live in a competitive society that teaches us either we are a winner or a loser and if someone else i…
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Samsara is the cycle of birth and death that we experience before enlightenment and it is also considered the suffering in this world. In this brief talk, Mary reflects on the reality of our lives and how fighting against difficulties only intensifies them. Recognizing that things are messy and finding a way to make peace with that is the beginning…
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In Buddhist teachings there are the ideas of conventional and ultimate reality. In Mahayana tradition they're known as the two truths of relative and absolute. These two ideas enable us to move through the world dealing with the ins and outs of our everyday lives (convention/relative) reality, while using the teachings of impermanence, no-self, and…
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We have all been hurt in our lives, to a greater or lesser extent. This hurt often brings up challenging emotions which we can run from or make space for. Healing happens when we become willing to turn towards the difficulty. This healing involves taking care of ourselves and Lama Rod Owens suggests that this healing is necessary before we can begi…
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The idea of an undefended heart seems counterintuitive right now especially with all the suffering in the world. We think that putting up walls will keep us safe but instead the armor just isolates us. The Buddha invited us turn towards the reality of our lives and the world and open to all. In this talk Mary discusses the need for an undefended he…
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In the Buddha's wisdom he invited us to reflect regularly on our mortality which flies in the face of a society which tells us we can be immortal if we just do it all right. The denial of reality and craving for the impossible causes so much suffering and disconnection. When we turn to face the reality of our lives and our shared humanity, we exper…
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The Buddha's teaching on Wise Speech serves us well in these days of great polarization. We have our sides and spew our rhetoric, often without thinking about how we communicate can make a bad situation worse. The invitation, as always, is pause and think about the truth, necessity and kindness of how we connect with others. It does not mean we shy…
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Bhikkhu Analayo suggests that the Buddha's teachings can be summed up in two words, "Let go." Ah, but if it were only so easy. Mary reflects on how the act of letting go gets more and more subtle and challenging the deeper we go and the longer we practice, but the freedom is worth the effort. Recorded April 29, 2024 in the virtual world Send me a t…
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Grief seems to be a constant companion these days and making space for it is an important part of our practice. Grief can be scary and we're tempted to push it away instead of inviting it in. When we do acknowledge our grief, we reconnect with all of humanity and recognize we're not alone. Connecting with grief is empowering - allow yourself to fee…
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The teaching of impermanence is a core tenet of Buddhism and our ability to recognize the impermanence we meet each day is so important for us in order to be free. How we relate to shifting and changing experiences while staying in the present is the key. Mary discusses the places we get stuck and how we can let go. Recorded April 13, 2024 in the v…
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Mary discusses this famous teaching of the Buddha. When we experience pain or something uncomfortable the tendency is to react it a way that mitigates the discomfort. The reactivity often just intensifies the initial pain rather than helping us be present with the discomfort. This reactivity is often subtle and deep and takes willingness and practi…
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Building on last week's talk about overwhelm, Mary discusses how vital it is to make the effort to come back from those places and stories that are not helpful an to make the effort to stay where we are. How do we let go and how do we stay present with whatever is showing up? And once we find place of equanimity, we realize that effort remains part…
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When life gets busy, we can become overwhelmed by everything. Both our lives and the world can be too much. However, the invitation of practice is to be right where we are -- overwhelm occurs when we spend our time in the future or the past and being present is how we cope. It's overwhelming if we don't pay attention. Recorded March 23, 2024 in the…
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In this talk Mary discusses how important being grounded is in the present moment is to be open to gratitude. When we're stuck in thoughts about I, me and mine, it's a challenge to recognize how connected we are to the world and how gratitude arises naturally when we are. Recorded March 16, 2024 in the virtual world Send me a text with any question…
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When we practice for extended periods of time we find that our hearts become tender. But often we don't have the time to practice so intensely. The question becomes how can we cultivate a loving and compassionate heart right now, and in a world that can be challenging. Mary discusses the Buddha's invitation to move through the world with good will …
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There is no dharma talk this week so Mary offers a few reflections on the benefits of residential retreat and the invitation to make peace with the way things are. Recorded March 4, 2024 in the virtual world Send me a text with any questions or comments! Visit Mary's website for more info on classes and teachings.…
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Taking refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha, The Triple Gem, is usually done on retreat or other occasions. In this talk, Mary delves into what taking refuge means and how reflecting on each of these supports our journey to liberation. "Taking refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha is like putting on an overcoat on a cold night.…
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The world seems to be screaming right now - there is so much going on with violence, climate change, oppression and injustice at every turn. We also have our day-to-day issues to deal with. At times it like these it is more important than ever to realize that love is the path to liberation rather than hatred, greed or delusion and apathy. The Buddh…
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In this talk Mary discusses the concept of samvega which means the experience we feel when we finally see through the delusion and stories that we have believed and used to guide our lives. It can be a shocking experience and an example is when the Buddha saw a sick person, an old person and a corpse. He experienced samvega. This feeling can help u…
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Mary offers the invitation to start where you are quite often but what does it mean? It's the name of a wonderful book by Pema Chödrön, but additionally it is a reminder that we cannot be anywhere other than right here. We often think we have to get to a certain place before we're ready to tackle our problems, or that something has to go our way. I…
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Buddha taught that the six realms of Saṃsāra are where we are caught in the continuing cycle of birth, death and rebirth. We only become free when we are free of craving or clinging, and see clearly into the characteristics of existence. These realms can also be viewed as psychological states that we experience from day to day - the heaven realms o…
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In this talk Mary dives into how craving and clinging show up in our lives and how much suffering, discomfort and discontent is caused because of it. We chase after pleasure all the time and hold tight to ideas and beliefs we think will give us what we want. The suttas are full of examples and wise advice to let go and let it be. Recorded Jan. 20, …
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Reflecting on the themes of humility, equanimity and resilience, Mary talks about how the practice can help us find the strength to meet each moment and each day. Mindfulness and an intention to be an advocate for ourselves are powerful ways we stay grounded in an upside down world. This talk owes much to the teaching of Rick Hanson. Recorded Jan. …
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Kindness, friendliness, goodwill. The Buddha invited us to greet the world with a kind heart and without causing harm, but how do we do that in a world full of greed, hatred and ignorance. Mary discusses what gets in the way and how to move towards a heart of goodwill with integrity and wisdom. Recorded Jan. 4, 2024 in the virtual world Send me a t…
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This simple quote from St. Francis Assisi contains a wise teaching on equanimity. What does it mean? How do we do it? Mary unpacks this invitation to move through the world with spaciousness, compassion and wisdom. Recorded Dec. 28, 2023 in the virtual world Send me a text with any questions or comments! Visit Mary's website for more info on classe…
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Loneliness and isolation are feelings that are so pervasive these days. In this talk, Mary discusses how damaging this sense of disconnection can be and how the Buddha taught the importance of friendship and community. Finding true friends on the path supports our movement toward liberation. Recorded Dec. 24, 2023 for Insight Community of the Deser…
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Finding Ease in the Present Moment
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28:52
This talk was recorded at the Compassionate Heart Retreat in Los Angeles on Nov. 11, 2023. The title speaks for itself. Thanks to Recovery Dharma for the invitation and the recording. Much love! Send me a text with any questions or comments! Visit Mary's website for more info on classes and teachings.…
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The Buddha's famous Fire Sermon describes how our senses are aflame when we're caught in craving and aversion. Mary discusses how often these flames are more like embers that we become used to. They smolder and continue unchecked while we're lost in our delusions. Paying attention helps to put them out and lead us towards liberation - nirvana is th…
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Sometimes it feels as we're living in a binary world where there is either grief or gratitude and the mind creates stories as to why one experience is appropriate and the other is not. In this talk, Mary discusses being open to both - they do not cancel each other our, but with awareness, we can hold and be present for all. Recorded Dec. 2, 2023 in…
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A brief reflection on how we are so deeply stuck in our conditioning that we are often unwilling to turn towards the reality of the moment. "Yeah, but" is what shows up when we hold on tightly. Let go of the 'yeah, buts' and greet the moment. Recorded Nov. 27, 2023, in the virtual world Send me a text with any questions or comments! Visit Mary's we…
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Mary talks about how the practice of mindfulness and compassion has allowed her to walk through the few days after hearing about her brother's death. Willing to feel the grief, recognizing how we keep ourselves from feeling, and simply being present for the experiences of life is the simplicity and the power of this Insight practice. Recorded Nov. …
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The story of Milarepa and the Demons is so emblematic of how we live our lives and how we can cultivate a spiritual path. We can choose to fight the reality of this moment or allow ourselves to be open to whatever arises. Mary talks about how this teaching can help us stay present for our lives and the world. Recorded Nov. 11, 2023 in the virtual w…
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Mary reflects on the old story which tells us that there are two wolves at war in our minds - the good wolf and the bad wolf. The one who wins is the one we feed. Many times we get stuck in incredibly mundane ideas that cause so much discomfort. How do we recognize when we're caught up in those unwise stories and how do we let go and feed what is m…
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Staying Grounded in a World of Uncertainty
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The world is spinning so quickly and it's easy to become unbalanced when things shift so rapidly. There is fear and anger, grief and sadness. It's important to be grounded and know our priorities in order to navigate each moment. In this talk Mary discusses developing a foundation that will support us which is based on the Buddha's most basic teach…
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Living the Dharma in Difficult Times
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19:41
Continuing the conversation from last week, Mary discusses ways to stay present in the face of tragedy and the challenging moments we're walking through. Continuity of mindfulness, guarding the sense doors, skillful means, continuity of compassion and seeking connection with others are ways we can be present for this moment with wisdom and kindness…
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A deep intimacy with our experience without preference is the essence of equanimity, however it's difficult to accomplish especially in the current moment when, once again, there is so much violence, suffering, greed, hatred and ignorance. There is so much grief and anger to hold. How do we sit with what is? How do we make space and become intimate…
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Mary looks at three qualities in the Paramis, Generosity, Patience and Metta, that will enable us to love unconditionally, and with an undefended heart. These qualities are within reach of all of us and can be cultivated to move towards a freedom in how we move through the world. We learn to treat ourselves and others with deep kindness and open he…
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Reflecting on the passage of time and also how life is contained in just this moment, Mary discusses how we can be present for both. Awareness allows us to see both the big picture of our lives and still be intimate with each moment and emotion as it arises. She also touches on the Nine Contemplations of Atisha which offer a wise way of reflecting …
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