137. Saying Sorry Is Not Enough: How To Have A Repair Conversation

The Language Alchemy Podcast

It is human to make mistakes, to hurt, offend, disappoint, or negatively impact another precious human being. And so it is a valuable skill to learn how to apologize in an authentic, mature, and responsible way.
In this episode of the Language Alchemy Podcast, host Alejandra Siroka delves into the transformative power of repair conversations, offering a more effective approach to healing and strengthening connections compared to typical apologies.

Alejandra begins by emphasizing the critical distinction between intention and impact when addressing hurtful actions or words towards another person. Repair conversations focus on acknowledging and taking responsibility for the impact caused, rather than merely justifying intentions, which often leads to defensiveness and resentment.

Listeners are guided through a step-by-step process to have a repair conversation. Alejandra emphasizes the creation of a safe space for the other person to express their feelings and impact authentically. Throughout the episode, Alejandra underscores the role of expressing remorse and appreciation during a repair conversation, showcasing its ability to strengthen the connection and foster reconciliation.

Mastering the art of repair conversations is a skill that takes time to develop. If you would like support through one-on-one coaching or group sessions to enhance your communication skills and repair relationships effectively, Alejandra invites you to visit her website for more information and resources. Tune in to this episode for valuable insights into transformative communication and healing relationships.

Quotes:

• "In a repair conversation, what needs your immediate attention is that the other person was negatively impacted. It doesn't matter whether you had a good intention or whether you had reasons that led you to say or do whatever you said or did. What you need to address first is the negative impact caused by your actions.” (4:21 | Alejandra Siroka)

• “When you have a repair conversation, you address the negative impact caused by your actions.” (4:21 | Alejandra Siroka)

• "Expressing appreciation during a repair conversation helps the other person get back to a place of connection with you. This is how they connect back to their knowing that you are a good person. You don't need to tell them, you are demonstrating it." (10:59 | Alejandra Siroka)

• "It is hard to quickly be in a space for a repair conversation after we've hurt another precious human being. So be patient with yourself. Don't say a repair conversation didn't work after trying it for the first time." (17:49 | Alejandra Siroka)

Links

Episode #136: Apologize Like an Adult:

https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2148547407

Episode #75: When You Don't Like What You Hear: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2147833529

Episode #108: Navigating Disagreements, the Path of Meaningful Connection:

https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2148053621

Episode #109: Empathy Versus Sympathy:

https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2148071027

Episode #110: Five Strategies for Skillful Empathic Communication:

https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcasts/language-alchemy-podcast/episodes/2148087420

To have group coaching with Alejandra, visit:

https://www.languagealchemy.com/groupcoaching

To work with Alejandra, visit: www.languagealchemy.com/workwithme

To join the Language Alchemy mailing list, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com

To ask questions you'd like Alejandra to answer in the podcast, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/podcastquestion

To find out about 1:1 transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/oneonone

To find out about couple transformative communication coaching with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/couples

To schedule a reduced-rate coaching consultation with Alejandra, visit: https://www.languagealchemy.com/newclient

To follow Alejandra on instagram follow @languagealchemy

Podcast Music composed by Gary Lapow: open.spotify.com/artist/1HlMhcNfKIELxYil5mVqD

Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm