Build Grit

Overflow with Craig Booker

Chinwé Williams opens this chapter with a story about her first counseling position as a high school counselor. During her time there, Chinwé, two students she refers to, Imani and Dayna. Both of these girls had played varsity basketball the year before but failed to make the team this particular year. The team had recruited new student-athletes to join the team which increased the competition.

Following a few weeks of counseling with Chinwé, she noticed a few things. Chinwé describes Imani as feeling empowered and determined to put in extra hard work to try out next season. Dayna, a lifelong athlete, decided she wasn’t fit for basketball. Dayna fought self-esteem issues that year, while Imani made the team the next time around.

The drastically different outcomes caused Chinwé to ask serious questions.

What caused one student to give up while the other one put in the hard work and succeeded in making the team?

The short answer is resilience.

Resilience can also be referred to as GRIT.

Angela Duckwork, a leading expert on grit, defines it this way.

"Grit is passion and sustained persistence applied toward long-term achievement!”

Preparing for Trouble

Possessing resilience or GRIT does not mean that stress or trouble won’t come your way. Those who have developed GRIT have seen their fair share of trials. They know what it means to struggle or experience distress. As kids and teens grow into adults, it is important for them to see that stress, change, and disappointment are all part of being human.

It is also important for them to see that they can develop strategies and coping skills to face these challenges head-on.

There are studies that show that optimism and flexibility are linked to resilience.

Reframing

The practice or act of reframing negative events is linked to resilience.

What is reframing?

It is a strategy often utilized by counselors or therapists that helps people look at situations or circumstances differently.

Reframing can be used to help people focus on the things they have as opposed to what they might have lost. It can be a helpful tool to help focus on what items are within our control versus what is outside our control.

How can we play this out?

Situation or event:

A get-together was canceled due to poor weather.

Kid or teen reaction:

The child experiences feelings of rejection, withdraws to their room, and feels disappointed, even to the point of feeling angry.

Parental Response:

“I can see that you are really disappointed that you don’t get to spend time with your friends. I know how much you were looking forward to it. I can understand why you would feel that way. Sometimes, when similar things happen to me, it helps to try and look at things differently.”

“What is something we could do, that we might not have done if the weather was nice?”

“We could possibly go to that new movie you were looking forward to seeing. Or maybe we could go check out books at the library? What are your thoughts? Do you have any other ideas?”

Learning to reframe a situation can be an invaluable tool in adapting and coping with life challenges.

As caring adults, mentors, or friends, we can play a crucial role in helping others develop these critical life skills. This is not only helpful for others, it is also helpful for us too.

Be a Safe Person

Helping a kid, teen, or adult feel safe is a tremendous ability. We all experience stress, despair, and times of uncertainty. As a parent of a young child, you will serve as an emotional barometer as they go through situations. A c