The Act of Becoming Rather Than Achieving: Part 1

On This Walk

Being in community with others is an important piece of the human experience, but how do we differentiate between belonging and simply being accepted?

In this episode of On This Walk, I’m chatting with Robert Cumming, 6th degree taekwondo black belt, leadership coach, and martial arts teacher. He pours into the lives of his students by teaching them to balance compassion, self-discipline, connection, and determination. He knows the struggle to find a healthy community well, and he uses that life experience to help others become who they are meant to be and ultimately find belonging.

In Part 1, we discuss becoming rather than achieving, the importance of conscious leadership, and how his unique journey has led him through the full spectrum of emotions.

In This Episode

• (0:26) How Luke’s life changed when he considered what he wanted to be rather than achieve
• (11:26) How Luke’s life story impacted Robert
• (14:18) How Rob’s desire for acceptance fueled his passion for connection
• (25:19) How Rob’s first leadership role helped him develop his identity
• (27:38) The power of conscious leadership
• (31:31) How leadership uncovered Rob’s personal need for mentorship
• (36:44) The realization and event that changed Rob’s career
• (40:48) The emotion that Rob had to work through to process his trauma
• (46:00) Rob’s intense pivot and and how he shared the lessons he learned
• (55:28) How the pandemic forced Rob to adjust his relationship with work, his family, and himself
• (1:00:58) Why we have to confront our fear to grow
• (1:06:43) The importance of asking, “What does my behavior say?”
• (1:10:22) How our egos can hold us back from connection
• (1:15:21) Rob’s hope for who he will continue to become

Notable Quotes

• “Respect essentially is re-spect. ‘Re’ – like a rerun, redo, replay. It’s just again. And ‘spect’ or like spectacles on your face. So to look. So, it’s to look again. Respect means to look again. So what I found myself doing is looking at him as a father, as a husband, as those things, as a person who has some growth. There’s a lot of growth that needs to come in that regard. But I had to look at him as a person first, and that actually helped me to move forward. But at the same time, respect myself. Look at myself again. Because I think we often don’t do that. We don’t pause and look at ourselves: ‘OK. Where am I at? And where are we going?’” – Robert (43:17)
• “One of the things that gets pointed out to people at times is, ‘OK what’s being expressed is that you want to be right.’ And some people will go, ‘Yeah, actually I do. I want to be right. I want my perspective to be seen.’ And then there’s others that will say, ‘No, that’s not it. That’s not it. I don’t need to be right. They, however, need to know that they’re wrong.’ Either way, it's our ego beginning to present itself in such a way as our right and wrong definitions are the way in which we want others to be, the way we want the world to be, and no understanding gets created in that space… There’s no connection that’s there… I can promise you, you will never have any form of agreement with an individual or any type of alignment, you’re certainly not going to change their mind, if you don’t first begin to understand them.” – Luke (1:10:30)

Our Guest

Robert Cumming is a leadership expert and martial artist that teaches others the art of connection, compassion, and discipline. After being bullied as a child/young adult and struggling to find healthy friendships, he found solace in the sport of taekwondo. Today, he teaches kids martial arts and coaches others on leadership and empathy in every environment.

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