Home and Feeling Hostility for the Holidays

Living & Loving with Lauren Reed

Have you ever grown up struggling in a negative environment or household and told yourself you’d never live like them so you created—or have to tried to create a better life for yourself but every time you’re around them you constantly feel triggered or like an imposter? It’s like you have done so much work to create a better more positive life for yourself where you’re either super balanced, financially stable, successful in your career or thriving in your marriage but when you go home to visit your family for the holidays or in general— you suddenly start noticing that you’re acting like your old self again or like you used to when you lived there. You may start acting out like a teenager or resorting back to your old ways. You may notice you are getting more emotionally reactive, tense or angry and maybe you don’t even feel like that successful, intelligent, confident person you’ve tried to create after all. In this episode, I dive into why this happens and how to become more aware and in control of our own sense of self and emotional state around them. By increasing our differentiation (this concept is explained in the episode), we will be able to have better relationships without becoming so emotionally reactive to loved ones who may trigger us. Sometimes we might not have to immediately cut off family members entirely... but instead find ways to protect our emotions and set healthy boundaries (unless of course it’s completely necessary if they are extremely verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive). Either way— cutting someone off comes with emotional consequences that must be dealt with because if they aren’t— they will lead to resentment, anger and pride issues down the road whether you decide to talk to that person ever again or not. This Holiday season I hope you can go home and find hope and healing instead of hopelessness and hostility. Happy Holidays! Disclaimer: This episode is inspired by the work of Murray Bowen who developed Bowen Intergenerational Therapy in 1985 and quoted from the book, Theory and Treatment Planning in Family Therapy by Diane Gehart