13 Velvet Rage: Dr. Jess Erb

Just Out of Curiosity with Shelley Dee

And so, my curiosity today leads to mental health. There’s a common theme that runs prevalent over these episodes; when people feel they don’t belong or aren’t seen by society, what and how does that feeling manifest in people? How do you try and live your most authentic life being happy, when society (sometimes your own family) aren’t comfortable or don’t want to acknowledge who you are as a person? I think its kinda crazy that “coming out” has to be announced. Straight people don’t have to come out and pronounce themselves as straight to their friends and family. Cis people don’t have to identify their pronouns. We don’t really live in a world where everyone has rights. Specific people have rights. The rest get allowances. This is something we’re still being reminded of to this day. We don’t really live in a free world, and We won’t achieve full equality by just focusing on our own struggles and ignoring the causes that don’t seem to involve us.

I’m a very big advocate for therapy because we aren’t perfect people, our parents/family aren’t perfect people, we are all just trying to learn how to live and love in this crazy world. But the one thing I’ve learned more than anything is how trauma manifests from specific instances from our past. It’s kinda crazy how our brain tries to protect us from feeling hurt or thinks it's trying to protect us from feeling hurt. But how does that show up when you feel like you can’t be yourself around everyone?

Dr. Jess Erb is a psychotherapist that specializes with trauma and the LGBTQI2S+ community. I wanted to get her thoughts on the effect of being gay in a straight world and about how trauma can present itself. She is the founder of Centred Self. Or on Instagram: centred_self

The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World (on Amazon)

In The Velvet Rage, psychologist Alan Downs draws on his own struggle with shame and anger, contemporary research, and stories from his patients to passionately describe the stages of a gay man's journey out of shame and offers practical and inspired strategies to stop the cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behaviour.

justoutofcuriosity.ca