097: Tips to Overcome People Pleasing

Do Life Big

You know, I’ve been in this weird phase of overthinking and overanalyzing everything. It started about five years ago when my dad almost died from AML, and more recently, knowing several people my age who've passed away from illnesses or cancer. It’s made me rethink a lot about life and how I’ve spent so much of it trying to please others.

Growing up, I always tried to please everyone around me. This has been especially challenging over the last decade, but I’ve put so much effort into overcoming it. Even though I like to call myself a recovering people pleaser, those tendencies still creep up sometimes.

People-pleasing is wired into us, partly due to societal norms. For girls, it's about being polite and looking your best. For guys, it's about being tough and not showing sensitivity. These ingrained beliefs shape our behavior and our need to be accepted and liked by others.

The thing is, people-pleasing isn't just about wanting everyone to like you. It’s about feeling the need to act a certain way to feel safe. And that’s exhausting. So, today, I want to share some tips to help you overcome this. Here are six tips to work through people-pleasing:

• Get a therapist or counselor to talk to. 🧠 Smart people have a therapist, and it’s a great starting point.
• Become aware of when you're prioritizing others' needs over your own. 🧘‍♂️ Just recognizing this behavior is a huge step forward.
• Practice saying “no” without guilt. 🚫 This was a hard one for me, but it’s crucial to set boundaries and not feel bad about it.
• Do something that fills your cup and makes you happy. 🌟 Whether it’s a hobby or self-care, reinforcing your own needs is important.
• Practice speaking up with confidence. 📢 It might be uncomfortable at first, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.
• Challenge any negative thoughts or beliefs. 🌈 You can download my free workbook, Think This, Not That, at kathireuter.com/thinkthisnotthat to help rewire your brain and replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

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