Your hosts Ian & RJ review and rank every Christmas, Hanukkah, winter, holiday, et cetera song. All of 'em. Even the bad ones. Especially the bad ones.
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Episode 367: Our Podcast Got Run Over by Syllables
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Hey, listen. As I'm writing this, Ian and Jam are both very jetlagged. They don't remember why they thought covering these songs would be fun. It was a nightmare. August Got Run Over By a Reindeer is a nightmare in general. But hopefully, that's fun for you, the listener. In honour of the Election Year (and because we gotta cover these versions of …
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Episode 366: Our Podcast Got Run Over by Good Kerning
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Savor with us, won't you, the delectable second year of August Got Run Over By a Reindeer? The second year is the brief stage of a made-up tradition in which we could, if we had better judgment, back out: haha, that sure was a funny joke we made last year, an annual month of Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer related songs! By the third year, we'll…
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Episode 365: Atoning for Our Ska Sins
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It's been almost a year, and the time has come. In August of 2023, Ian was incorrect about something. More incorrect than we usually are about things on this podcast. And so, we attempt to set things right by giving ska its due. Our ska education starts with Al and the Vibrators' "Merry Christmas", followed by Toots and the Maytals' "Christmas Feel…
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Episode 364: I Wish It Was Birthday Today
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Ian's birthday has us pondering important questions, including: What does the early 00s sound like? Are British people more excited out of their gourds about Christmas than North Americans? And, perhaps most importantly, am I The Guy Who Sucks? We also listen to two versions of "I Wish It Was Christmas Today", one performed by Julian Casablancas an…
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Episode 363: Have Yourself a Merry Little Dance Party
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We're about to go on our annual summer break, but we wanted to leave you with something to enjoy while we're away! This episode, we've got two Christmas songs that might just be your new hot summer jam. "Make It Jingle" by Big Freedia will have you shaking a number of both literal and metaphorical things, and "Stripper Christmas Summer Weekend" by …
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Ok, yes, we may be burning this title when there are certainly multiple renditions of "Santa Baby" called "Santa Daddy" that we didn't touch in this episode. We're just going to have to call that one "Daddy Christmas" or something. No, rather than casting actual Santa as a metaphorical daddy, this Father's Day episode features songs about actual fa…
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It's getting to be that time of year! You know, the time of year when it feels completely wild to tell someone that you listen to a year-round winter-holiday music podcast? But don't worry, we've got two listener requests to kick your holiday spirit back into high gear. "Bing Crosby Wrote Festive Christmas Songs" by Angry Snowmans is a cover that p…
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Since it's almost Victoria Day (or as Canadians call it, "May Long Eh"), we're talking British Christmas music again -- specificially a few popular tunes that never crossed the threshold into Christmas #1s in the UK. "Christmas Lights" by Coldplay is, you know, fine. It's fine! And "You're Christmas to Me" by Sam Ryder? It's FINE. WHATEVER, OK? IT'…
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Episode 359: Wage Against the Machine
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To celebrate the upcoming International Workers' Day on May 1st, we've got two Christmas songs about: who else? WORKERS, BABY! Well, technically, they're also about landlords and bosses, but only in the way that Taken is about the guys who kidnapped that lady from Lost. Jeez, has she tried being in something called Exactly Where She's Supposed To B…
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Episode 358: I Have a Little Weed Day
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Our annual 4/20 episode is back, and this year? Good songs only!!! You may be surprised to hear that we were still able to find two good weed-themed winter holiday songs, but indeed: "High on Hanukkah" by Micah E. Wood (featuring Ari Pluznik and Seth Kibel) is an enjoyable ode to holiday paranoia, and "Kushmas" by Smino is... well, surely it's abou…
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As per tradition (at least from days of yore when we did episodes weekly), we're using the week of Easter to add some more traditional Christmas music to our list. And it just so happens that both of this episode's songs are from the same album, 2012's Holidays Rule! Both songs were also composed by guys named Henry who were better known for other …
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By request, we're tackling two holiday songs that expand the number of languages and dialects represented in our list. "Jingle Bells" as performed by Béla Fleck and the Flecktones featuring Alash marks the first appearance of Tuvan, and also, of Tuvan throat-singing! And, I don't know, maybe like the thirtieth post-modern banjo performance? And whi…
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Episode 355: Ten Lords a Leap Year
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To celebrate the Leap Year, we're leaping into two versions of The 12 Days of Christmas! Kind of!!! Neither "12 Days of Christmas" by Gucci Mane or "The Twelve Days of Christmas" by The Popguns use the traditional lyrics or structure of the song, but hey, we can consider that an improvement. The ranking music in this episode is "8 Days of Christmas…
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Episode 354: A Special Kind of Horny
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It's Valentine's Day, one of the horniest holidays on the calendar, and we're celebrating with two songs from the 1950s that illustrate an uncomfortable truth: people have always been nasty little freaks about Christmas. In the case of "Santa Claus Got Stuck in My Chimney" by Ella Fitzgerald, it's entirely listener interpreation that takes this son…
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Episode 353: The Super Bowl Sneak
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Gosh, the Super Bowl seems to come earlier and earlier every year, doesn't it? Football music starts getting played the radio, kids start lining up at the mall to sit on Bill Belichick's lap. Hmm? What's that? Ok, I'm getting word that it's actually the opposite, that the super bowl comes later now. And the other things I said have never happened? …
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Episode 352: Upstanding Podcast Citizens
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It's podcasts all the way down! By listener request, we're discussing "Don't Wait For Me Beneath the Mistletoe" by The Allusionettes. The band -- comprised of Jenny Owen Youngs, Martin Austwick, and podcast host Helen Zaltzman -- was formed for an episode of The Allusionist podcast about creating a 2020-appropriate holiday hit. We pair that with an…
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To kick off our tenth year of HARK, we're writing the first page of what will surely be many chapters exploring the question of our time: why are there so many hip hop songs about the Grinch? "I Am The Grinch" by Tyler the Creator is a pleasant but not very illuminating entry in Grinch Rap subgenre, while "The Grinch" by Bad Lucc gives us a little …
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Episode 350: Lawrence the Network Technician
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It's finally here: our 2023 milestone episode! When looking for a candidate for all-time greatest Christmas songs, Jam attempted to laser-focus their pick to Ian's taste. When looking for the worst of the worst, the song Ian selected has more of scattershot strategy. The ranking music in this episode is "Christmas Unicorn" by Sufjan Stevens. As men…
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Episode 349: Fresh Cut Holiday Songs
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The 2023 holiday season has arrived! We're celebrating with some brand new holiday songs. Since Hanukkah begins this week, we begin with the delightfuly catchy "Just A Little Hanukkah" by Oliver Richman featuring Jessica Toltzis and Nathan Brewer. Then we consider the new Christmas release by Wheatus (remember Wheatus?), titled "Christmas Dirtbag" …
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Season's Eatings! This very food-centric episode kicks off with a listener request. While he's perhaps best known to Christmas nerds for his work in White Christmas, we totally ignore that while discussing Danny Kaye's "Eat Eat Eat" and instead try to discern how light-hearted this holiday patter song actually is. We follow up this deceptively comp…
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Episode 347: There's Nothing Funny About Weezer
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Jam's birthday is here again, and that means it's BIRTHDAY BOI'S CHOICE TIME!! And this year, they've chosen chaos. Covering two Weezer songs ("The Christmas Song" and "The Deep and Dreamless Sleep") might seem like a fairly conventional and orderly episode concept, but this thing got away from us pretty much as soon as it began. In the words of Ni…
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Episode 346: A Country-Twanged Clusterfuck
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Halloween approaches, and as is tradition, we're covering two Christmas tunes with a Halloween-y kick! The first is "Hell of a Holiday" by the Pistol Annies, which offers a mish-mash of Halloween and (select) winter holiday flavors, as well as some intriguing questions about what spells their respective cleric domains would have. Then it's "Flappie…
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Episode 345: Very Much Another Christmas Song
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Here in the brief window between August Got Run Over By a Reindeer and Halloween, we're taking a minute to get to some listener requests! "Not Another Christmas Song" by Blink-182 is more or less what you'd expect, except maybe for the fact that it was released in 2019. In contrast, we weren't sure what to expect from "Thank God It's Not Christmas"…
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Episode 344: Jingle Horse 6: Jingle Horse with No Name
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World Animal Day approaches (probably), and we are celebrating (kind of) with two festive songs about animal companions! "Santa Claus Rides a Strawberry Roan" by Jim Lowe is unfortunately less about celebrating its titular animal companion and more about shit-talking reindeer. "Jingles the Christmas Cat" by Freddy Cole doesn't give us much more in …
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Episode 343: An Inexplicably Good Time
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Since the High Holidays are just around the corner, we're listening to two songs celebrating their winter-time relative, Hanukkah! By request, we hear "The Night of the Dreidel" by Craig Carothers, a song with an epic-sounding title that tells a smaller, sweeter story about a drama-free holiday. But don't worry, "The Chanukah Song (We Are Lights)" …
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Episode 342: Our Podcast Got Run Over By GGROBAR
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It's been a long month, and we're closing it out by going back to the beginning. Randy Brooks's own version of "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" joins our list, as does his own parody of his own novelty hit, "Grandma Got Run Over by Corona". The bar is low and he's just gotta clear it to get us to the end of this freaking month!! The ranking mus…
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Episode 341: Our Podcast Got Run Over By Regional Accents
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It's the second installment of our inexplicable self-inflected psychological experiment, August Got Run Over By a Reindeer! Our theme for these started out as "grandparents being run over by other, non-sleigh vehicles", but we discovered a variety of common threads. "Grandpa Got Runned Over By a John Deere" by Cledus T. Judd and "Grandpa Got Run Ov…
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Episode 340: Our Podcast Got Run Over By Some Ska-Punk
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Well, it's come to this. Welcome to our first installment of "August Got Run Over By a Reindeer", a month-long "celebration" of the many, many mutations of Elmo and Patsy's 1979 novelty hit, "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer". We ease our way in with two covers recorded by some familiar, nostalgic musical acts - Less Than Jake and Reel Big Fish. …
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Episode 339: Birthday Boy's Big Band Christmas
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It's Ian's birthday (soon)! So he's running the dang podcast!!! For his Birthday Boy's Choice picks, he lands on two classic-adjacent tunes from years not yet covered on the show. "Happy Holidays" by Bing Crosby (with the Music Maid and Hal and John Scott Trotter and His Orchestra) seems like a commercial for hotels masquerading as a Christmas song…
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Episode 338: Is the Jam Jar Half Empty or Half Full?
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We're back on our bullshit! Our bullshit being "dicussing listener requests". We take a look at two songs with a surprising amount in common - "Lonely Christmas" by WALLIS and "Alien Christmas" by Tay Zonday. Both are 2020 Christmas songs by artists who got their start by going viral on youtube - and both beg the question, "ok but is this good actu…
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Episode 337: The Bluegrass is Greener
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We're going to be taking our next scheduled episode off because we're doing some traveling this month. To help prepare us for our trip to the U.S., we're taking two requests for some good old fashioned American country music. "Christmas Time's A-Comin'" by Emmylou Harris is a song from a country tradition we enjoy, namely bluegrass. "364 Days to Go…
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This week on HARK, we've got two songs with the same title and very different stakes. By request, we cover "Santa Please" by Bill Medley, a tale of alcoholism, regret and reconciliation at Christmas that leaves us troubled. Then, we discuss "Santa Please" by Toni Braxton, which is basically just four minutes of the singer sexily asking to speak to …
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Sometimes we take requests, and sometimes we take a while to cover those requests. And sometimes, sometimes, someone who's waiting to hear us cover their request sends us back-up requests in case their first requests were not holidays-ish enough. Thus, sometimes -- specifically this time -- Ian uncerimoniously schedules those backup requests for an…
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Listen. When the universe gives us two songs titled "Feeling Like a Right James Blunt at Christmas" (by Death of Guitar Pop featuring James Buckley) and "Merry Christmas James Blunt" (by Wash Your Dirty Money With My Art featuring Martin Meincke), what are we supposed to do, NOT theme an episode around it? The ranking music in this episode is, I me…
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It's that time of year again, baby! Blaze it up with us (figuratively) as we discuss two weed-related Christmas songs, "Green Christmas" by Snoop Dogg featuring Jenn Em, and "Merry Christmas Mary Jane" by Katie Pruitt. The ranking music in this episode is "Roll Me Up" by Willie Nelson featuring Jamey Johnson, Kris Kristofferson, and of course, Snoo…
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Easter and Passover are fast approaching, so as is HARK tradition, we listen to two more traditional, religious songs - one for Christmas, and one for Hanukkah. Except this year, we kind of blew it? You could call these songs religious, and they're both of a tradition, but we're going more folk festival than liturgical this year. "I Saw Three Ships…
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Episode 331: A Large Pile of Spaghetti
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By request, we're taking our first look at the Christmas tunes of music legend Neil Diamond! "You Make It Feel Like Christmas" is nothing if not very, very Neil, while his rendition of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" is a dozen other things he was apparently trying out. The ranking music in this episode is (what else) "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diam…
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Just in time for Pi Day, we're covering two versions of the greatest Christmas song ever written about having some FUCKING PIE!!! The ranking music in this episode is "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" by Brenda Lee.
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By listener request, we've got two covers of cartoon-related Christmas classics! "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)" as performed by JP Maurice says a polite no-thank-you to skits, while Khruangbin's version of "Christmastime is Here" is a whole vibe. The ranking music in this episode is "Skating" by the Vince Guaraldi Trio. Thank you to …
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Valentine's Day is approaching, and we're celebrating with two tracks from one of our favorite (bad) holiday romcoms, Christmas in the City (2013). "You're My Christmas" by Juliet Lyons may have been stuck in our heads for years now, but there's still something a little off about it. After revisiting it, "Christmas Love" by Ashanti feels like a bre…
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New year, new requester! As suggested by a first-time requester, we listen to two songs off of an intriguing album by a new-to-us artist. "Listen the Snow is Falling" makes its third apperance on the show, this time as hauntingly performed by Thea Gilmore. Then we shoot the shit with Gilmore's "That'll Be Christmas", which is, you know, pretty good…
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For our first episode of 2023, we're reflecting on the Christmas songs we heard in the wild during the recent holiday season! First up is the best of Kelly Clarkson's several attempts to craft an heir to the All I Want For Christmas Is You crown, "Underneath the Tree". Then - and you are going to have to trust us on the fact that we heard this song…
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Episode 325: Ten O'Clock and All Is Hell
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We're finally here, at that year-end vortex of holiday delights, and as always, we've got a new milestone episode to celebrate it! Ian is charged with finding the best song, and submits a mysterious tune that rides on vibes. Jam is in charge of finding the worst and, after whittling away some very terrible runners-up, presents a slurry mix of cynic…
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Episode 324: Subscribe to the Holidays
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Hanukkah is almost here, and to celebrate, we've got two- wait a sec, our producers are saying something. They say that we didn't do enough CanCon this year. Well, shoot, I guess we gotta scrap the songs that we were- what's that? A producer is now telling me the two Hanukkah songs we're listening to this episode ARE Canadian! Phew, that's pretty c…
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It's that thanking-time holiday in the United States, and so we're expressing our gratitude for our long-time listeners - by covering a repeat requester's request! Long-time listener Liam brings us two UK Christmas #1s from the 1980s, the somewhat perplexing "Mistletoe and Wine" by Cliff Richard and the more straightforwardly fun "Merry Christmas E…
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It's that most wonderful time of year again: BIRTHDAY BOI'S CHOICE. Jam is another year older and thus got to choose this episode's songs! As is their right!! First they treat Ian to TLC's delightful version of "Sleigh Ride". Then they throw a curveball with "The Mistletoe Jam (Everybody Kiss Somebody)" by Luther Vandross, a song with a premise so …
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Episode 321: The Buttless Horseman
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In this spoooOOOky episode, we listen to two Christmas songs by Halloween-y characters! By request, we've got The Cryptkeeper performing... (checks notes)... (sighs)... "Christmas Rap". And then non-puppet Alice Cooper (along with other presumably human men John 5, Billy Sheean, and Vinny Appice) covers "Santa Claws is Coming to Town". Did you see …
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This epsiode was going to be themed around light, because Diwali is coming up soon? And then it kinda turned into being themed around requests from CJ, a longtime HARK listener. And theeeen it kind of turned into a third thing? We listened to "Donner and Blitzen" by Thor and "Bohemian Chanukah" by Six13, with open hearts and minds. Some corrections…
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Episode 319: lofi eggnog beats to study to
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Eggnog Watch 2022 is well under way, and we're taking on another mission - to find some eggnog tunes to groove to while you scan those shelves. "Six Cups of Eggnog" by Larry Costa certainly sounds classic and celebratory, but may be more concerned with what's in the nog than the superlative drink itself. Thankfully, a visionary emerges to set us on…
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Ian and Jam are back, baby, and IT'S FALL. So pull your scarves out of your closets, spice your pumpkins, and get ready to celebrate the High Holy Days. In honor of Rosh Hashana, we listen to "New Year" by Regina Spektor and "Intangible Things (A Hanukkah Song)" by Haley K. Turner. This week's ranking music is "That Time" by Regina Spektor.…
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