When Godzilla chooses a beverage, you can be sure he is going to choose the number 3 beverage in the United States (Which has lately been the number 2 beverage depending on the poll you believe. Godzilla might be ecstatic about this news!) He’s got places to be and he needs that caffeiene to help him get to Manitoba and back! He’s got a wheatificat…

“Rattle Me Bones, bonedaddy!” is not just for bedroom talk anymore! Now you can play without the dirty talk in the Rattle Me Bones home game! It’s like Operation, except there’s a little skeleton guy wiggling! Everyone wins! Except maybe the skeleton since you’re taking their stuff and that’s not very nice. That skeleton has places to be. He’s got …

It’s time to become what we always wanted to be: Useless bags going to useless destinations! Finally, I can lay down and enjoy the ride, get handled by security and slightly irradiated just like I always wanted. Maybe I can be sorted to a better place in life! Sure, it just might be the gate to Cincinnati, but that’s a city of cities, right? That’s…

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well! He made this slidedeck for me to sell Denmark! They don’t know that we’re doing it. Well, maybe they have an inkling of an idea. We’re called the Denmark Corporation after all. We kind of said on our yearly business review that we are going to “sell that damn country finally”. So, maybe they won’t be blindsided. …

It’s 1991 and Cindy Crawford has the Official Drink market in an iron fist. America won first blood with making Cindy Crawford hold a Pepsi, but it wouldn’t stop there. Japan had Pocari Sweat and a puma to help sweeten the deal. She was working on the Canada contract soon with her sword training. She had to assert dominance over the other celebrity…

Summer may be winding down in the real life that you and live in, but it’s still going strong in the Bachelor in Paradise! Why, David Spade is hosting! And they got all these names having fun on the screen! Some of them may be rats habitating a facsimile of a human skin designed to trick the other contestants! Others might be playing volleyball! Fu…

When you put Bac-Os on a salad, what you’re really trying to do is resign to fate. The salad is there. You’re going to eat it. You may enjoy eating it! You may not! But you’re probably not the most excited by it. You need something to take your mind off all that saladness. Bac-Os is there for you. It’s suggested by lettuce you’re about to eat and e…

Captaiinnnnnnn Planet! We’re summoning him with our rings! Our rings of elements! We have to be in close proximity to the other four to do so and unfortunately, we hate the other teens! We’re just going to use our cool water powers to make like a river and flow into the ocean! We don’t need those other elements! We especially don’t need Heart! Wait…

Grant Nel took the dive like a champ. Hi fives, smiles, the only thing red was probably he back from the failed dive. I mean, what else can you do? When you receive a vision of the future and it is a zero score, you can’t exactly walk back down? You gotta follow through. Accept your fate. At least you know a teenage lifeguard won’t be saving you. Y…

Here’s your one chance, Fancy! Don’t let me down! Get the nice cat glasses out and let’s eat Viennetta! It has… Layers? Of Dairy? It’s not an ice cream. Legally we can’t call it an ice cream. We can legally say layers though, right? … Our lawyers say to hold off on the layers. Okay, fair enough but the point is it’s got curves and weird little swiv…

Sometimes, you just need a video of an anime chomping on ice. Just really going to down on that solid water hoping to crush it into a nougat of liquidy water. This is one of those days. You’ve earned it. You’ve made it to this part of the week and we’re so proud that you have. You should hold your head up high and smile at everything you’ve done un…

The damn sound. You can’t escape from it. No matter where you are in the house, it means someone is sneaking on the computer. And that your cleverly laid trap of leaving the pc speaker on at full volume worked. You know they’re about to log onto America Online to chat with their dang internet friends and look at Ranma 1/2 fanfiction. You don’t know…

VIDEO GAME HINTS! They’re fast and fun! It’s like an ancient gacha for your phone, except your parents will get even madder at you! Don’t mind the super hero trying to usher you into the St. Paul megadome (St. Paul residents, I am sorry but I’m not looking up your sports arena’s name. I’m sure it is very nice though.) Don’t even mind that it is emp…

At Hidden Valley, the ranch flows unending. There’s just too much of it. We need to use it in more and more creative ways, but it means we all must make sacrifices. The ice cream truck? Gone. It’s now full of vegetables (and ranch dressing.) The children? They must enjoy the ranch as well. If they do not, they’re not effective and they’re BANISHED …

If you go to Kingfish Restaurant in Louisville, KY, it sounds like you’ll get some pretty good seafood! This is judging by the reviews online, but also the reviews of these paid(?) actors in the 1990s commercial they made it sound pretty sweet too! The catchy jingle and the twirling of shrimp and onion rings catch the eye and make it determine it a…

It’s Star Trek! In DEEP ASS SPACE! And… They’re mostly chilling. People are on their time share, y’know. Enjoying life among the potential war zone. Drinking at Quark’s Bar. Complaining about Romulan Ale or something. Look, I loved Deep Space Nine but I don’t think I’ve ever seen it remotely in narrative order. Mostly it was in SpikeTV/USA Network …

It’s becomming firework season again in the US, which ranges from May – whenever we run out of fireworks! All manner of firepower big and small will be used, but maybe not these dainty little dragons that shoot fire out of two directions. They’re just too cute! You want to hug it while its on fire! That’s not a great feature for a firework! Unless …

Everyone loves a Herman Miller chair. Especially the host this week Aaron. But Aaron doesn’t want to pay full price for a Herman Miller chair, understandably! That’s why he is working for co-host John as his left Porsche 911 shoe, a concept he is looking to get outlawed *immediately* in all 50 states. Is it worth it? Absolutely not. But is a Herman…

There’s a place in Knoxville where you can go to see little circular homes that are of a certain fantasy classic but legally distinct from it. You can throw axes there! Talk by the fire! Listen to the power lines sing a song in your gentile ear. Yes, it’s the Ancient Lore Village, a project that even has its own 2.5 Star reviewed book on Amazon! Th…

You’re done arguing with your friends! We can all agree going to the Werewolf versus Vampire movie is neutral ground, right? We weren’t all going to see Mystic River so you better damn well deal with this sci-fi creation under a blue light and you better be damn neutral about it! Look, there’s vampires! And Werewolves! They’re fighting! And she has…

It turns out that everything they warned us about is all true. Pokemon Cards are the devil’s work! The mere touch of a rare card is enough to convert your entire body into an explosion of pokemon cards and coalesce into something that looks quite like you… But different. Never will you be the same again and all your previous joys will be gone, repl…

No, I do not want to date your avatar. Unless your avatar is a Ragnarok Online model! Then maybe I would consider it! We would have spent ages levelling up together, so at the point where we may consider dating I would know if we were a good fit for each other. We’d also know what we thought of bees and web series by then so we could get a billboar…

We live in a society where we can get very specific descriptive pills faster than this Clue speedrun we watched on loop for this episode (At least, if you’re in America. We’ll privatize the shit out of anything!) Professor Plum will give you all the boner pills a podcast can buy! Maybe he even has his own podcast to hock them off of as well! With a…

Oh, damn! Looks like Timmy’s a big kid now! He’s got the double deep dish pizza lunchable with a cola and Reese’s cup! It’s where cravings and malnutrition meet and he’s at the height of his popularity! He’ll remember this day where he was the envy of all the other kids on his school lunch row as he lays upon his death bed with a sweet smile. He ma…

It’s another day at the workplace. Everything is the exact same. The cafeteria ran out of bananas again. Your co-worker can’t stop yapping about the event of the moment. Your boss wants a report in. If only something could help alleviate this boredom! Perhaps a chatting application built into my required mailing software for my company’s intranet! …

Sam Beckett is unstuck in time and oh boy is he solving a lot of problems! He’s quantum leaping here, quantum leaping there, leaping everywhere and all he wants to do is go home and cause problems. He’s not even leaving the problem solved in a respectable state! When he quantum leaps out, the person is going to be confused and/or possibly on 5 year…

The spirit of horses are alive, but not the horses themselves! They’re just in another world and they’re racing for… I dunno, reasons? Because they gotta? Maybe it’s like a hummingbird thing and they always gotta keep running so it’s better to put that energy on the track? Hasn’t that one horse girl been in high school for 9 years? Do they retire? …

It’s time for some German song and dance! Please join us as we use the ancient woodland instruments! A fake wooden fake synthesizer. A Fake bongo/cymbal thing. Fake bird calls. An especially fake backdrop! Together, with the power of lip syncing we will tell this world about how they will perish without trees. But in a really happy way! No, serious…

Sometimes, you just need to have an impromptu, indecipherable breakdown battle with a bullet. It happens to the best of us, but only KoRn was able to monetize it in a way to make them big. I hear the bullet is making their rounds on the con circuit, punching holes in all the kids’ klassic KorN posters for $20 a pop. Jonathan Davis, lead KoRnman, wo…

Jingle All The Way is that Christmas Movie most people can get behind. It’s not any of the classics that are overplayed on the television screens this year, for one. It also has Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad in their prime, so people can point and go “I remember that guy!” or even “I remember that guy!” And it’s got a fun little plot and physica…

It is time to jam! Jam it all out. Be sophisticated! Spread it on a biscuit! Eat and enjoy the brand! Get a job in the jam corporation! Realize the fallacy of human kind as we enter the Second Fruit Impact and the dark meaning behind all their fruit juice spreads! How deep do the seeds go? We of Video Death Loop know all the dark secrets. We’re jus…

Sure, you could contact colleges yourself. But why would you if you can listen to this bop while having them contact the colleges for you? The choice is clear. You got TV to watch. You don’t have time to learn about learning! Anyway, break time’s over; time to sling these ketchup and mustard bottles to the customers! Aaron Littleton is your host th…

Sometimes you just want to nestle in a warm blanket and watch a bunch of fire department demonstration videos on how quick things can go up in flames. Christmas Trees! Deep Frying Turkeys! Obscure Plugin Assemblies! The world is your oyster and that world is on fire! But you don’t have to cover it up further. You don’t have to fake your way into th…

Anime on Toonami was a rare time. You’d get work you’d never seen like The Big-O and be fascinated by its ideals that maybe was too big for it to full fit into. Or you could watch Candidate for Goddess, which no one has nostalgia for even if people claim to have it. They really mean Cowboy Bebop. That’s the one they mean. But it was available on Am…

Are you a little horse crazy? Aren’t we all? If you’re the president, you have to say yes. If you’re doiing improv, you can say no if it works to the scenes benefit but it’s better to build the scene by saying yes. If you’re a human, you can say no, but you’re probably not going to be liked by the horse-liking majority. What we’re saying is you’re …

Oh god, the Doodlebops are in town. Hide the evidence. They can’t know. I mean, they won’t know. They’re always wrong. But I’m not the one going under for a very fragile and unsupported reason! No, it’s going to be you! You’re stuck with this mess! I’m going to Miami for a while. Maybe the Doodelbops won’t tour there. Maybe Judge Couchy will give m…

Sometimes, you need to watch a dryer advertisement for a company in another country away from your own. See the world in a different pair of eyes. Talk through the neck holes of their shirt. Become real stop motion through a painting that is well animated. We’ve all been there. Even if you deny it, you know the truth. The truth goes on. And on and …

It’s Spooky Season! So very spooky! Pick out a favorite bone and go to town in the graveyard! Just make sure you have a tight skele-five when you come out of your coffin. First impressions are important! Otherwise, you’re going to get laughed out of the graveyard and that’s your new home!! Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he has you cover…

What is a concept anyway? Is it just making a hit song, getting a few people and a vehicle together on a backdrop to shoot a music video and posting it on youtube for all to see? Or is it the commentary on the whole process that’s the real art? Neither. It’s the work you do with it afterwards that defines the end result. And buddy, Aaron’s yard loo…

There was a time in America where you could pay you way anywhere with two options: Money or Rob Schneider movies. Most people would prefer the money, sure, but the Rob Schnieder movies were a tradable commodity where you could get two or upwards of three dollars for it at various shops. 82 minutes of physical comedy? Sure, why not! I can probably g…

The can will follow you home. You have a forged a contract with it. It is beyond your control. It is a shadow, the true self. You desire to devour it. It desires to be devoured by you. Consume your desires. Become one with them. It is time. Persona 6 is wild, y’all. John Hurst is your host this week and he and this cricket in the house aren’t getti…

The Hento Automatic Fried Rice Machine waits for noone. You want rice/noodles made? You damn better be around to catch it. It’s got shit to do! It can’t be waiting for you! The Hento Automatic Fried Rice Machine has places to be! It’s got to get home to its wonderful house and wonderful Hento Automatic Fried Rice Machine wife and Hento Automatic Fr…

It’s time to demagnetize your stuff! And if doesn’t need to be, let’s magnetize it anyway! It’s fun, it gets the whole family involved and who knows, it might become your job until it is phased out completely by modern technology! Embrace it while you still can! The sea is calling! Not the ocean! John Hurst is your host this week and he’s setting t…

The mission is totally impossible, right? Maybe? It seemed pretty doable to me. You get a face making machine and you can fight communism like all damn day. You ride a motorcycle, you sneak into a boat, you get Peter Graves to help type you with your novella and you’re home before you can discard all three of the things above. I guess when you have…

Can the coach that brought the 1985 Chicago Bears bring your local soda brand to victory? Schweggman thinks so! Don’t worry about potentially food poisoning! Mike Ditka will solve your problem while you’re in agony! As long as it’s a sport and it involves coaching. If it doesn’t, sorry, Big Shot Soda and Mike Ditka are not responsible! John Hurst i…

We don’t know a damn thing about clams or clam juice. We’re never going to get our inheritance at this rate! Can we partake? We… Just… Don’t… Know! Better watch this one on loop to see. Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s recording the second take right now. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s giving a little warmth to the room as you l…

Everybody! It is unequivalably required by you, the consumer, to move your feet and move your body! Preferably in a direction that leads to the local tanning salons where you will find great deals on ways to get a tan that does not involve (too much) of the sun! Please enjoy our salad bar. Or not! We’re pretty chill about it. Don’t put tomatoes on …

It’s tough being Mr. T. You got to act tough all the time. Wear the chains. Yell at a dude bro. Drive in a tank. Throw a snickers at some wimp. It wears down on a person. Noone asks if Mr. T wants a snickers. He can only distribute. Sure he could go into the stash he has in the tank but that’s just not right; that box of snickers are exclusively fo…

Hello. Welcome to Californication. We hope you enjoy our new open beta. Please keep all hands and feet inside the ride as we introduce you to four shirtless dudes who are both shirtless in fantasy and reality. Adding a shirt to these individuals is not allowed. Especially for Flea. He’s got us this sweet Silicon Graphics Workstation to make this wi…

YOU MISERABLE, MANIC MONSTER! How dare you turn these cars into humans! Humans who can barley crush things like that of a monster truck! I wanted to see monster trucks crushing the spirit of American muscle cars! Not these mom jean wearing fools! Those thighs could barely crush an apple juice carton! Now, Grave Digger Human, that’s a thigh! We can …