Episode 1 - Reactive Abuse: The Physical and Outward Reactions of Victims

The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Episode 1 of a mini-series on reactive abuse and trauma responses.

Have you wondered about your own sanity in all of this? Have you reached the end of your limit and simply exploded. Now you are the one yelling and screaming at him? Am I the abusive one? Should they come take me away?

Many victims have had these experiences and thoughts. You are not alone and you are not crazy!

What you are experiencing is often called reactive abuse. Have you ever heard of this? Reactive abuse is the survival skills we build in an abusive relationship just to protect ourselves. We want the pain to stop. We have tried so many other avenues. We are exhausted and now we are out of options. So we become aggressive, like a cornered cat. These are simply reactions to our abusive environment and lack of ability to stop it.

These can be emotional outbursts, yelling, screaming, even hitting. You have reached the end of your rope, just can’t take it anymore, and you explode. It can feel totally out of control and cause major issues for you as people now see you as the violent one.

These reactions can also be much more internal. Shutting down, keeping your mouth shut, unwilling to voice your opinion, giving in, over-thinking, over-analyzing, trying to be perfect.

They can even lie somewhere in the middle. Defensiveness, protecting yourself before anyone even attacks, explaining yourself when you don’t have to, anticipating problems way ahead and trying to divert them.

All of these are trauma responses and reasonable reactions to an unreasonable situation.

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