Episode 80: The latest Tik Tok challenge: Social Pressure vs Parent Influence

The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

The newest Tik Tok challenge, dubbed the bathroom challenge or devious licks, is all the craze right now. Is your kid going to fold to the social pressure?

The newest Tik Tok challenge, dubbed the bathroom challenge or devious licks, is all the craze among kids right now. Schools across the country are having to issue letters to parents to talk to kids as they are forced to close bathrooms due to the vandalism. Is your kid going to fold to the social pressure?

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Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So did you prepare your kiddo enough to where they resisted the urge to get involved in this new Tik TOK challenge that has gone viral and is being seen in schools all over at least the United States, I don't know about in other countries, but did you prepare them enough? Were you a good parent? Did you do all of the things? Maybe there were other influences. That's what we're going to talk about today.

Speaker 2 (00:27):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (00:52):

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Speaker 1 (01:44):

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Speaker 1 (02:34):

So I highly recommend that you grab your ticket, get your access and help educate yourself on all of these influences and how to move forward, no matter the age of your kiddo. Okay. So next, let's talk about the topic for today. So if you haven't heard, which most likely, if you have, there is a new tick tock challenge that has gone around and they are seeing the impact of it in schools everywhere. I have looked in the news cycle and seen reports of it from all sorts of different cities, all over the nation, talking about kids, getting involved in this, and it is affecting their schools. So if you haven't heard about it, the challenge is for them to go and steal things from the bathroom at school, they've titled it, the devious licks challenge as another way to refer to it. But it's basically where they go and they steal something from the kids, from their bathroom in their school.

Speaker 1 (03:37):

So it started out like stealing soap, dispensers, and different things that they could remove from the bathroom. And it has progressed to be where they're destroying the bathrooms, like picking up tile off the floor and sinks off the wall. It's just amazing and ridiculous that this is something that is truly happening. I've seen from multiple people on my own newsfeed on Facebook saying that they are seeing it in their kids' schools. I have seen local schools, issue letters to parents saying that they need to let their kid know if they are caught in the act doing this, that they will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. And so, you know, you're probably sick. You may be sitting there thinking, not my kid. Like I educated my kid enough, right? And I know they wouldn't do this, but we all know that the teenage years bring in influence.

Speaker 1 (04:38):

Even before the digital age, there is an influence there from peers. And there is also a lack of like accurate risk assessment that it just goes with the teen years. Right? So I think that that is something that has to be considered here. But as I was preparing for this episode and looking at different things for it, I ran across a post on my social media of a mom that she shared another mom's post, where they talked about this small little school that they go to this small little district that it's impacted them and that their school has had to close the bathrooms. And so the kids had no access to the bathrooms or, you know, have to ask for access just because it's so pervasive and they're destroying the bathrooms. Well then as I was looking at this particular post dad comes on or a male comes on and this is what he says, I'll read it to you.

Speaker 1 (05:32):

He says this all points to parental failures. If kids were taught right from wrong, this would stop parents that do not spend time with their kids and set good examples are responsible for a lot of this. It is easier to blame the social network. You let your kids watch than to accept that you failed them as a parent. Like holy cow, if any of us know anything about the influence of the digital things, that is absolutely inaccurate in what he is saying. And maybe it's just that the temperament of his kids never lint the tendency of doing something like this. But most of us know that we have taught our kids right and wrong and, you know, done all of the things and checked off all the boxes. But it is the influence of both the peers and then the powerful influence of the social platforms that take out some of that reasoning, ability and risk assessment and all of that.

Speaker 1 (06:32):

Like if there's an inkling of it there, which we know a lot of that is not there because their brains aren't fully developed as teenagers. But if there is any of it, there it's like sucking the rest of it out. Right? So, uh, one mom responded to this person on this particular post and S and this is what she said. I beg to differ with you, my husband and I taught our kids to respect others and other properties. We also taught them not to do drugs and steal. My girls were always loved and given everything that they needed, and two of our daughters still ended up on drugs. So don't go blaming the parents for the stupid things that kids do. God gave everyone free. Will they do what they want to do? And I think that, that this mom is right on point with this.

Speaker 1 (07:14):

And that's why I wanted to talk about this today with you, because if you've listened to any of my episodes or, you know, been around any kids in the digital world these days, we know that that the influence of the digital things is powerful. And we know that we cannot completely shut that stuff out no matter how hard we try. And this is just one example of these types of things out there. I saw another mom comment and say that this is only one challenge that's out there. There's another one where they are encouraged to mess around in grocery stores, stealing and breaking stuff, moving products from one aisle to another, walk down an aisle, push products back and over on an entire shelf punch products at random while walking down an aisle. And all of this is something that's another type of challenge out there.

Speaker 1 (08:05):

And of course, this is just more work for the grocery store. So I think these are examples of devious kid behavior or, you know, child behavior, but it becomes very powerful when it's combined with the social influence and pressure of these platforms. So what do we do? Like how do we move from this? I think as parents, it is always our decision, what things they are allowed on and what they're allowed to consume. Some parents are saying, get them off of tick tock. Honestly, I think if it's not, tick-tock, it's another app. I do think Tik TOK is very, very dangerous. I was just looking at an article that I'm not sure if I saved it here. I was just looking at an article that talked about what kids are shown on TechTalk. And it was actually a kind of an undercover thing that one media outlet did where they made an account.

Speaker 1 (08:58):

And they said that the person was 13 or 13 to 15 years old. And it was quite alarming. What they were shown registered as a 13 year old, they said, at least they were shown at least 569 videos about drug use references to cocaine and meth addiction, promotional videos for online sales of drug products and paraphernalia, hundreds of similar videos. And then another teenagers account was shown a hundred videos of paid pornography sites and sex shops and thousands of others shown adult only type of information. So ultimately with any of these platforms, if you haven't figured it out yet, it is often an algorithm based thing. So it may be partially what age is listed on the account as to what they're shown, which sounds crazy, right? Because they can scrub these social media sites. When people mentioned certain words of hot topics that are in the world today, and, you know, just make those things completely be eliminated with seems like in an instant, but yet when it comes to this stuff, it's shown to our kids.

Speaker 1 (10:06):

And I think that ultimately is evidence that these platforms are likely built for these purposes, by people that want this stuff to be pushed out to the young users or whatever, you know, you can believe what you want to believe, but if they can scrub it of people mentioning certain words, certain hot topic, things going on in the world, and they certainly could scrub it of this stuff if they wanted to. So anyways, it's an algorithm based thing. So the more you interact with certain things, the more it's going to show you certain things. So having one of these apps in the hands of our kids is a huge, huge, slippery slope because they are going to be curious and be like, oh, what's that? And then they suddenly are going down a rabbit hole of being shown more and more information like that. That's the dangerous aspect to these apps.

Speaker 1 (10:57):

And I've seen it in Instagram. Tick-tock Snapchat all of them. But the point of this is that if it's not Tik TOK, it's going to be another app that pops up. So what this ultimately needs to look like, I believe is us having conversation with our kids, us keeping the social media apps and smartphones out of their hands when they are younger and only allow it as they get older. But communication with our kids open communication, not just like this is wrong, don't do it. But also talking about how these things influence their behavior and their decisions and their beliefs about themselves, all of the aspects of what goes into them, building these platforms to prey upon us, to prey upon them prey upon us with the addictive nature and with trying to mold our beliefs and our lives. So if we can have that conversation and, and create that awareness, that this is a thing, and it does influence you and these things are not benign, they do have an impact and it's oftentimes very subtle and insidious.

Speaker 1 (12:07):

And so I think that's the conversation that has to happen with our kids. Not just, I've taught you right and wrong. You know, you don't do this, you don't damage other people's property. There's legal ramifications of this, but also discussing the social pressure of these platforms of peers, of how that works in their brain. And I know that can be a hard conversation when we have a child that's in that mode of we know nothing. They know everything that can be a hard conversation to have, but I encourage you to open that door, put a foot in and plant a seed and start that conversation because it's crazy right. To think that kids are going out and destroying bathrooms because of a silly Tik TOK challenge, but it happens. And other tick tock challenges that have gone viral have been things that are like dangerous for our kids, like lives can be lost in these challenges.

Speaker 1 (13:02):

So destroying a bathroom or destroying a grocery store is one thing. But what about the challenges that encourage them to do things that could end their lives? Like that's frightening. So I think that where we need to put a foot down on all of this is number one. If you can not have that conversation with them, then maybe they need to not be on that app, but don't put a smartphone in a young kid's hands. It just doesn't need that. In my opinion, like they don't need a smartphone. There's other options that we know you, you hear me talk about them all the time. And then in addition to that, getting a parental control stuff on their phone, if they do have a smartphone and you feel that that's appropriate for them putting something on there, like bark. And, you know, I have that, I talk about it all the time, use the code, be that mom, and get a 20% discount.

Speaker 1 (13:49):

It's already dirt cheap in how much it costs. So just get that and have that help you to monitor conversations. That way it will pick up on if they are talking in text messages about who's going to do what to the bathroom the next day, you know, that type of thing. It's just an extra set of eyes. It's another person in your village to help you. Other than that, I honestly think that it has to start with communication, but not just on the superficial level of this is wrong, but the level of how this is influencing their thought process, their self-esteem, their choices in life. Those types of things. I have said it multiple times that these things, these influences are very insidious. And so you have to start that conversation. And if you're at a place where they are out of control, then do a digital detox, get it out of their hands, take it away, let them have their little tantrum, because they're used to having that in all of the interconnectedness, but know that you're the parent and know that they will survive because we survived our childhoods without all the digital things.

Speaker 1 (14:56):

But sometimes a complete digital detox is necessary. Just taking everything away, like basically clicking a reset, but it can take time for them to detox from all the digital stimuli and things like that. Okay. So that's basically what I wanted to share today. I see parents all over the place pointing fingers. I see teachers pointing fingers and it's just a very complex issue and is definitely indicative of this much larger influence that these platforms have on our kids. And so how you choose to proceed with that depends on you and your kid and the temperament of your kid and where they're at in their social, you know, social setting and all of that stuff. But I don't think it's black and white. And I think if we, while I don't think tech talks should be in the hands of any kids, I think if we just, you know, just remove that platform, they'll go on another one.

Speaker 1 (15:48):

So it's got to start with the education. Okay. So I hope you found that helpful, please pass this podcast on to friends and teachers and everybody else that, you know, we need to get the word out. That it is a positive thing to be that mom, because our kids are depending on us for their futures, for us to get educated and proactive in this space, we cannot ignore it. It's a new realm of parenting. So we have to have to have to figure out a way forward. Now, in the beginning of this episode, I said that I had two things I was excited about and was going to share with you. And then I got all excited about that first one. And I never shared about the second one. So here is the information on the second one. I am almost done with my, be that mom movement method course, I've talked about it for months and months and months.

Speaker 1 (16:35):

And I know you probably are like, yeah, yeah, whatever. It's amazing and sad to me how long it has taken me to get this really rolling and almost out the door. But it truly has taken me several months because there's just so much that has happened in our world and happen in my world with all of the things that I manage and I'm doing. And the fact that I'm a nurse practitioner out in the world of all the craziness that's gone on in the last year and a half, but it is almost done. And it's going to be such a valuable tool for you to help you navigate all of this. It's going to give you a method to follow whenever you are presented with a new digital device or platform or game, whatever it is. And then it is also going to give you so much information to think about and to have as a basically roadmap and a toolkit for navigating all this stuff.

Speaker 1 (17:25):

Ultimately, the digital things change constantly. There's always some new app. There's always some new thing that's trending, but what I'm doing here is creating a place for you to have all of the knowledge and resources at your fingertips, both for yourself and for your kids, so that you can move ahead. Despite the fact of whatever app is trending or challenges going on, this is going to give you a place to stand and a roadmap and toolkit to move forward with this realm of parenting. Okay. It's so I hope that you will check that out when it comes out, I'm going to have a couple of different options for purchasing that, but I'm so excited to finally be getting this almost out the door. My plan was to get it out in this next week. I don't know that it'll be completely ready by then, but definitely within the next couple of weeks, I will have it available for purchase.

Speaker 1 (18:15):

And I hope that you will take it advantage of it once you purchase. I do plan on updating it periodically as things change as new resources come out, those types of things. So once you purchase, it will be a place that you can come for resources that will be sort of timeless as I update it and keep it rolling as times change and those types of things. Okay. All right. Thank you so much for listening in today. I still am seeing people listening from all over the world. So please know that I'm so very thankful for your loyalty and the fact that you're listening, please leave me a review. If you haven't already, it helps my podcast to rank up higher and to be visible to other people. This is such an important topic that all parents need to be aware of. I am of the belief, just like I said, in last week's episode, that once we put a digital device in our kids' hands, no matter the age there is influence there.

Speaker 1 (19:07):

And so there is a moral obligation that I think we all have to share that impact, share that knowledge of the impact with, sorry about all the dinging, share that knowledge of the impact with new parents, with younger parents and get it to where digital devices, aren't babysitters digital devices. Aren't just given to a kid to pass the time, but are used as educational tools and as tools in our life versus something that controls us and molds us and creates the future that it thinks we need to have versus what we know we deserve and what we know our kids potential is for their future. Okay. I strongly believe that digital things are distracting our kids and stunting their development and their future potential. So please spread the word, spread my podcast. Thank you for those of you that share it on different platforms and several of these Tik TOK conversations.

Speaker 1 (20:03):

I have seen my podcast shared over and over and oh my God, that just lights my fire and makes me so excited. And like I've said many times, I believe that our struggles create our strengths and it is my true joy to pay this forward to you and to help you not grow through some of the hard times that I did. So if it helps you in any way, please reach out to me and let me know that because it truly is very fulfilling for me to hear that from you, but leave me a review. If you haven't already and share this with your friends, if you need further connections, I have a Facebook community and I have a telegram channel reach out to me via email [e-mail] or on my social media. I have a couple of Instagram accounts at Dolly Dickinson and then the beat out mom movement, podcast account as well. So connect with me in one of those spots. And I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (21:01):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (21:15):

Either before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native.