Trina Boice: Easy Tips for Hard Times

Stories of Hope in Hard Times

Do you need tips to help manage stress, anxiety or depression? Listen as Trina shares ideas to help physically, emotionally and in everyday situations.

Tamara K. Anderson interview Dr. Trina Boice on coping techniques to help with stress, anxiety, and depression. This is especially needed during this time of the Coronavirus or COVID-19. We specifically talk about:

• The importance of taking care of your physical body
• Changing your surroundings
• How the friends you keep can impact you
• Meditation, mindfulness and many more tips

For Trina's FREE Guide to coping techniques mentioned in today's podcast go here: http://www.findingjoytoday.net/

To take her course, Managing Stress, Anxiety and Depression 90% off the listed price go here: https://lifelonglearningeducation.com/p/stress-reduction-strategies

And use this code: Corona2020

You can find Trina on her social media platforms of Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and YouTube. You can also find her on the following websites:

MovieReviewMom.com

LifelongLearningEducation.com

FromBook2Business.com

Here is the transcription for this week's episode:

Tamara Anderson 0:02

Today I'm going to give you some life hacks for stress, anxiety and depression with a good friend of mine Dr. Trina Boyce. We're going to talk about physical things you can do, emotional things you can do, and who doesn't need life hacks for these important things? We need all the help we can get to make it through this crazy Coronavirus year so stay tuned.

Welcome to Stories of Hope in Hard Times, the show that explores how people endure and even thrive in difficult times, all with God's help. I'm your host, Tamara K Anderson. Join me on a journey to find inspiring stories of hope and wisdom learned in life's hardest moments.

Welcome my friends! Here we are, beginning of November of 2020, and this has just been a crazy year. I am constantly amazed by all of the challenges so many people are facing. Some of the challenges due to COVID-19 have been very, very weighty. There's been a lot of people who are struggling because of all the change. There's been an increased amount of stress, anxiety, depression, and even suicide rates. So this is a topic that is a really challenging one to juggle and handle and deal with. In order to do so, I am so pleased to bring back my guest from last week, Dr. Trina Boyce.

For those of you who were unable to catch my interview with Trina last week, I'm going to do a brief introduction and then we're going to talk about this topic that is so important and so needed right now. Trina does is such a positive voice and she even has some free giveaways. Dr. Trina Boyce is the number one best-selling author of 31 books and she was named the California Young Mother of the Year, which really amuses her four sons. She teaches online, she has created online courses and she's got a free offer for you guys later on in today's podcast. She's a movie critic on moviereviewmom.com. She has a daily podcast on Alexa called Daily Inspirational Quote with Trina. And last week, we were blessed to have her talking to us about parenting and the miscarriages that she experienced and the lessons she learned from those. So if you didn't catch last week's episode, go back and take a listen to get more of the background on Dr. Trina Boyce and her story.

Let's transition a little bit into this topic of anxiety and depression and stress because there's a lot of that in the world today. There's a lot of stress and anxiety and even more depression since COVID-19 hit. This is a topic that I think it's good to learn about and be aware of, and to be able to learn coping strategies because we are not immune to it. We may have situational depression, like when you had your miscarriage of your baby. It was because of hormones. It was just a temporary thing but there are circumstances in life like if you have a loved one passed away where it can dramatically change and affect you and you may be grieving for a while. So what advice or tips would you give to someone who is struggling with a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety or even depression?

Trina 4:19

You're absolutely right. I think in a normal world, everybody has moments of depression, anxiety and stress. That's just life. You mentioned I teach online for university. I was grading an assignment this morning in fact, and one of my students asked me a question in his assignment. He said, “What am I supposed to do? Because I think everything is going my way and then it doesn't anymore.” And I wrote back and I said, “You know what? That's life.”

Part of it, as I mentioned earlier, is expectations. If you think life is meant to be perfect and rosy all the time, no wonder you're going to be disappointed and depressed. That's not the plan. Now, personally, I believe that one of the reasons why we're here on earth is to learn and grow. As you mentioned before, how do we possibly learn and grow if everything is the same, everything is stable, everything is happy, everything is good and easy? Well, we don't, we stagnate, actually.

You have to constantly be working on a new goal or a new challenge in order to, as you said, learn more about yourself and what you are capable of even doing. So part of it is just recognizing that there will be challenges. Now, who could have foreseen this pandemic? Well, I guess if you look at history, you could say, well, we were due. The last one was 100 years ago. But nobody had that on their radar for 2020. We all started the year thinking this is gonna be the best year ever, we all had our goals, I went out and bought this awesome planner, which it turned out to not be very helpful this year. I crossed out all of the things that I had planned on doing this year. But knowing that life is going to have twists and turns, that's super helpful, just to know.

I mentioned to you earlier, before we started recording, that I grew up with a dad who was very staunch, and very capable, emotionally, physically top of his game, and of course, demanded and expected that of all of his kids. Of course, we've been a huge disappointment to him. I'm only partially kidding. But I grew up with the attitude of, “What's wrong with these people if they have to go to a shrink?” You know, my dad would say, “Well, you don't have to go to a shrink, suck it up.” He was definitely of the mentality of get some grit, get some resilience, you know, just suck it up.

And so I was like, Yeah, okay, yeah, what's wrong with all these people that can't handle X, Y, or Z. I realized back when I was in high school, for the first time, I noticed once a month, I wasn't thinking logically. And I was like, I wonder if those are related? And yes, they are. Having babies and hormones and all that kind of stuff. I hope this doesn't sound sexist, but women are twice as likely to have depression as men. So that was kind of like a lightbulb moment for me when I realized, huh, my body has to do with my emotions, my brain activity and the food that I'm consuming, and the exercise I'm getting or not getting.

In fact, I've talked with a lot of therapists, and they say the very first thing that they do before they sit down and listen to their client’s stories is to ask them to get a physical exam. Let's make sure your body is working correctly, let's address the immediate needs of your body. Are you eating good, healthy food? That will help you to feel more clear minded. When I eat junk food and garbage and I have a sweet tooth, I start to have cloudy thoughts and I'm not working at my most alert ability.

I recognize that when I don't get enough sleep, I'm cranky and irritable, I don't think straight. So first, you need to address those physical conditions of your own body. Then look at the physical conditions of where you are. If you don't have windows open, and you're not getting that vitamin D from the sunshine, that could be affecting your mood. If you're in a dirty house, that can affect it. My husband and I are exactly the same whenever there's junk everywhere. We both kind of get cranky with each other and then when it’s happened enough that we're like, okay, clearly we need to straighten up this house, you know, because it really affects our mood and our attitude. So look at your physical environment of your body, then look out at your outside environment, and having a candle or aromatherapy going.

Smells can really change your mood as well. I believe in the power of essential oils and so that can affect your environment as well.

And then of course, extending further, your social environment. The people that you surround yourself with. Are they uplifting and inspiring when you get together? Do you just both go down this complaining spiral and leave each other feeling like, well, I got that off my chest, but you don't feel any better? So surround yourself with people that pull you up. I have a girlfriend who is always trying new things and involved in this and that and the other and exposing me to new things that I didn't even know were out there. And I love her for that.

We have different relationships with different friends, I have other friends where, I call it vomit, all over them emotionally. They are the type of friend where they know how to handle that. I end up feeling revived or rejuvenated because of what they're able to do, but I try intentionally not to dislike all over.

Tamara Anderson 11:00

No, these are great tips. Because we do need to first take care of our physical needs. I'd never thought about looking at the environment around you. But you're right. If you clean even something up, it gives you a sense of accomplishment, and it almost pulls you forward. It's like starting a ball rolling. It makes such a huge difference. I love what you say about surrounding yourself with people that can be a positive influence in your life and that different people fill different roles. Because there are times we're going to need somebody to just listen to our sob story. There's times we're going to need some cheering up. So it's good to have a variety of friends who you can turn to when you're struggling.

Trina 11:47

There are things that you can do that will literally change your energetic vibration. Now, this might sound hippie dippie, woo, woo. But thoughts, and energy absolutely work together. In fact, it was the same girlfriend who's always introducing me to new ideas and fun activities and things, she had me read this book, and it was really eye opening to me. It introduced to me the idea of energy. It's not like I couldn't have figured this out by myself. But I had never really thought about it in these terms.

When you're feeling sad and depressed, almost nothing will pull you up because you're pretty committed to staying down at the bottom of the barrel, right? Those literally are the words that describe the lowest despair where there is no hope. I love that your podcast focuses on hope. Hope is such a powerful thing. It is my all-time favorite theme in literature and movies. Hope is a really powerful thing. I do want to share with your audience some coping techniques. In fact, I have a free gift for your audience.

I'm going to rattle off some various coping techniques that are helpful. You won't remember them all, even if you try to write them all down. You can just go to this website, findingjoytoday.net. You just click on the box, give me your email address, and I will shoot that to you in an email. You'll have the whole document of all of these coping techniques.

Before I forget, I also have a second gift. Right before the pandemic, I created online courses. I had noticed a lot of people talking about depression and anxiety in my extended family and I knew that there was a need. So I created this course. It's an online course, offered at lifelonglearningeducation.com. But as soon as the Coronavirus hit, and I saw depression and anxiety levels skyrocket, I knocked the price of this course down.

So you can save 90% off my course, and you use the code, Corona2020. I think with the discount the whole course is like $10. That course will also give you tons of coping techniques and ideas. Not all of them will work for everyone. But some of them will and that's all it takes is to just get a few that work.

As I was talking earlier about this vibration, the lowest levels are despair and anxiety and stress and hopelessness. There are little things you can do. Picture a ladder. As you're climbing up this ladder, trying to get out of the pit of despair, literally, each little activity or exercise or thing that you do can bring you up one rung on that ladder, until you get to that top, which literally is a different vibration. The energy is actually different, it vibrates much higher. The highest level is gratitude. There’s simple exercises like keeping a gratitude journal, or focusing on the good things that exist in your life. Some of the little things that I'm going to tell you here in just a second will give you some ideas of those things that you could do.

But back to my dad, and how I grew up. My sisters and my brother and I, we all have that same mentality, like just suck it up already. Until somebody in my extended family married into a family that actually had clinical depression in their family, like it's a genetic component. My twin sister is a nurse practitioner. And the two of us kind of had the same epiphany, like, wow, there's an actual genetic component to depression. There are people that really need medicinal support, it's not a matter of just suck it up. It's a matter of, I need some physical, chemical help, so that I can make better choices or have the ability to even try some of these coping techniques. Recognize that now.

If anybody needs therapy, there is no shame whatsoever, you just need additional support. There's nothing wrong with that. I know people that go in for marriage counseling, I have friends that say, “Yeah, we just went in for a quick tune up.” Every marriage struggles at times, and everybody needs a tune up, whether it's individually or in relationships. I think that's a really healthy way to look at it to just say, “Hey, I need a little tune up, or I need a little extra help.”

So anyway, you can kind of categorize coping styles into three categories. One is instrumental coping, which is more problem focused methods. Then there's emotional coping, which focuses more on, obviously, your emotions, your attitudes, your mentality. And then the third one is avoidance. And so I'll share just a few of what those mean.

We actually talked already about some instrumental coping like physical health, spotting patterns, looking for habits, like when I realized that once a month, my attitude was different. There's a physical component that's affecting my ability to think correctly, at least for me. So look for patterns and triggers. Make an “If, then” list. Like for me, like I told you, I have a terrible sweet tooth. I loved working at Le Cordon Bleu teaching classes, I ate some amazing food. I had to write a little “If, then” list. If I am feeling snack-ish and I want sugar, then I will drink herbal tea instead. Try to come up with reasonable alternatives. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't, where I just have to have that cheeseburger or bagels, or whatever. And that is, okay, we're humans.

We talked, obviously, a little bit about faith. Another instrumental coping technique is to apply your values. If you are religious, understand that there are lessons to be learned. That's one thing that I shared with my student. Instead of looking at this new challenge in your life that you didn't welcome, look at it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Ask yourself, “What should I be learning from this?” I felt like I had learned so much after my first miscarriage. I was kind of surprised when I had a second and a third. I was like, wait a minute. I thought I learned all the important ones. Why am I doing this again? Well, sure enough, there were still yet more lessons that I needed to learn. Not that's not necessarily why I had miscarriages. But I certainly took the opportunity to dig deeper and find out. What is there yet for me to learn from having this experience?

Be really clear about what you want. That has to do with standing up for yourself by explaining your expectations, and even your boundaries. So for example, my husband and I really love to travel. So this whole pandemic has really frustrated us, because all these fun trips planned, and we've had to cancel them all. But you know, whatever. So whenever we do leave on a trip, usually when we're in the car, either headed out, or in the car headed to the airport, depending on how far we're traveling, we'll say to each other, “Okay, what are your expectations for this trip? What would you like to have happen on this trip?”

So for example, if I'm like, “Well, I’ve got to see every touristy attraction that I possibly can in this city.” And my husband's like, “Well, I just wanted to take a nap and read,” then we're like, Okay, now we know, we need to compromise. It's really helpful to actually verbalize that. Because sometimes, we don't know. I'll be really upset and I'll think, why am I so upset? And then I realize, Oh, it's because I didn't get what I wanted. I'm throwing a tantrum. While I didn’t even know I wanted that thing until I didn't get it. You know what I mean?

Tamara Anderson 21:53

No, and that's true. I remember attending a class a number of years ago, it was when I was newly married. The lady giving the class, gave it all on expectations. She said, “Often, when we're upset, it's because we didn't get what we expected. That picture in our head of how we thought things would play out didn't happen. But often we forget to verbalize that. We forget to tell people, this is what I'd like to see happen.” I know that's something that I've had to learn, especially on weekends. I always I start the day off asking my husband, “What are your expectations for today? What do you see happening for today?” Because often he's got a list in his brain. And I'm like, okay, those are your expectations. Here's what I need to get done. As we balance that out and add to the mix all the needs of the children that day, sometimes we're like, okay, obviously, we're not going to get everything done today. But what can we do? So it's a balance. And that's life right now.

Trina 23:00

Yeah, absolutely. Plan ahead and visualize any potential obstacles, like, okay, I'm going to go to this party, there are going to be delicious, fattening foods, how am I going to handle that? Or I know so and so is going to be at that party, and I can't stand listening to...