232: Love languages, conflict, connection, and repair

Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Ever been in a relationship where you felt like she was nitpicking at you, like you could never do anything right? Or ever been in a phase where it felt like she was never happy with you, and was sharp and poky or picked fights for seemingly no reason?

Real talk: When I feel loved and cherished by my man, little things don't bother me as much. But when I question that love or don't feel cherished, then I feel triggered all the time ... and I don't show up as the warmest, most loving version of myself. (Also we tend to have less sex when we're not in a connected phase.)

This is partly a love language issue. Once we're out of the honeymoon phase during dating, which according to neuroscientists actually lasts close to two years, it can feel like we don't know what went wrong. We used to get along so well; we used to have incredible sex and things felt easy. Now it feels harder.

Our culture doesn't teach this, but a large part of a healthy, conscious relationship involves learning how to love each other well. We're not born knowing that. And love languages are a critical part of this. Love languages are how we feel loved by our partners. We may know intellectually that they care about us, but those warm and safe, connected feelings don't just stick around.

Listen to hear about the five different love languages, the different dialects within them, and how to apply these in a practical way to love your partner better and feel more loved yourself.

Other memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Seafood and me are not friends"
• "First you need the self-awareness around how YOU feel loved"
• "Ultimately we're talking about teaching each other how to love one another well"