Parenting A Struggling Teen offentlig
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Your guide to parenting a struggling teen, whether they’re home, transitioning home, or presently in treatment. Parents, say goodbye to exhausting confusion, overwhelm and panic and the unhelpful patterns that keep you stuck. Learn how to develop healthy responses and set healthy boundaries instead of acting out of fear and anxiety. Experience the relationship-changing power of focusing on your own behavior instead of futile attempts to control your teen. Your guides to Parenting Post-wilder ...
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What’s it actually like for your teen to be in wilderness or other treatment? As parents, we can never truly know. But today’s guest, Ciara Fanlo, has been through it herself. According to her, the emotional stages our teens go through in treatment are very similar to the seven stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptan…
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We all know that feeling when something doesn’t sit right, but we shrug it off, telling ourselves, “It’s not a big deal.” Yet, over time, those little moments of unspoken frustration build up, slowly shrinking our emotional bandwidth until we snap over the tiniest thing. Whether it's a parent feeling taken for granted or a struggling teen wondering…
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We are all wired to avoid uncomfortable feelings. We instinctively shy away from discomfort, parents and teens alike. Whether it’s solving a problem for our kids, distracting ourselves from uncomfortable feelings, or we’re trying to save the day, we often act to avoid the tension. But here’s the hard truth: our teens need to experience that discomf…
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Co-parenting is hard - there’s no sugarcoating it. In an ideal world, both parents would align perfectly on every decision, from phone use to curfews to navigating friendships. But, as Seth and I explore in this episode, that’s often not the case. One of the biggest challenges I often see as a parent coach is when one parent holds firm boundaries w…
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“An adolescent brain, it is what it is for a reason”- Brittney King The teenage years can feel like a rollercoaster. One moment your young teen is playing it cool, and the next, they’re literally rolling on the ground pretending to be a dog. Sound familiar? In this week’s episode, I sit down with Brittney King, a licensed counselor, mom of five, an…
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What if improving your relationship with your teen starts with changing yourself? Are you willing to look at your own behavior to improve your relationship with your teen? If you know me at all, you know I truly believe the change begins with us. In this episode, Seth and I dive deeper into what that actually means for you as a parent. Seth dropped…
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Have you ever snapped at your partner or your teen over something small, not really sure why you overreacted? Or like no matter how much sleep you get or how many cups of coffee you drink, there’s still a part of you that feels completely drained? Oof, believe me, you’re not alone. In this episode, Seth and I dive deep into a topic that resonates w…
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As parents, it’s natural to want to do everything we can to support our struggling teens or young adults. But where do we draw the line between encouraging them to grow and enabling them to remain dependent? It’s a delicate balance and I’m joined again by therapist Trevor Allen to dive into one of the more challenging questions for any parent: How …
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You want your teen to be sober, don’t you? But aren’t you focusing on the wrong goal by expecting your teen not to drink any alcohol or take any substances? And what does being sober actually mean? Does it mean the same thing to you as it does to your teen? “Progress, navigation, experimentation, these are normal parts of teenage and young-adult li…
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Why doesn’t your teen learn from their mistakes? Or admit when they’re wrong? Why can’t they just act like an adult? If you’ve ever wondered about any of these, you’re not alone. To answer these questions, we’re diving into the world of teenage brain development and what it means for us as parents. Spoiler alert: it’s not as straightforward as you …
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“Parents have so much influence on their child’s concept of themselves.” - Ciara What if your struggling teen could look at themselves with hope and confidence, knowing they have the power to overcome their challenges? This second conversation with formerly struggling teen Ciara Fanlo is focussed around one main questions: What can parents do to be…
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From a very young age, Ciara felt like she didn’t belong. Cutting was just one of her destructive behaviors to cope with the pain she felt: not knowing how to be in the world with how sensitive her heart was. Ciara Fanlo is a previously struggling teen who spent the majority of her adolescence in treatment, including inpatient hospitalization, wild…
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WHY can’t my teen just do what I ask them to do?! I’m sure you’ve had this thought before, just like any other parent on this planet. Today, Seth shares a relatable story of a teen who’s not showing up and isn’t showing any motivation for behavioral change. Sounds familiar? Then this episode is for you. Why do our teens show up like this? Where is …
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“You think you’re doing okay and then you realize ‘How did I miss how much my child was struggling?’” - Hope Meet the parents from my latest parent coaching group. Eight months ago, these parents went on a 6-month journey with me to influence lasting change in themselves and their struggling teens. Now, they’re bravely sharing their stories, what i…
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How can you best support your struggling teen according to former troubled teens? As teens, Hayley and Colin were both sent to wilderness, followed by other treatment (residential treatment center, and therapeutic boarding school). Now, approximately 12 years later, they use their experience as former troubled teens in treatment to provide peer-to-…
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How can you trust your teen is learning and growing even when some behaviors look similar? Moving past your teen’s previous behavior can feel hard, especially when they’re showing similar behaviors now. But they’ve been to treatment, and they’re older now, so how can you know whether it’s a repetitive pattern behavior you’re witnessing or whether m…
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We all have difficult relationships in our lives. A difficult relationship for me was the one with my father. We’re a few days after Father’s Day and I decided to dedicate this episode to my father. In this emotional episode, I’m sharing the talk I gave at my dad’s funeral. I remember how extremely hard it was, wanting to speak to the reality of my…
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Have you ever felt stuck in a triangle within your family, where one of you takes on the role of the victim, the other the villain, and another the hero? Maybe good cop, bad cop sounds familiar to you? This is what we call the drama triangle, or triangulation, and it happens in every single family, whether you have a struggling teen or not. It ofte…
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In this deeply personal episode, I share my own journey through the challenges of parenting a son struggling with anger and substance abuse. In this crossover episode with People Who Suffer, Andrew McKee interviews me for a change and I’ll walk you through the first signs of my son’s struggles and how my emotions became entangled with his; when he …
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Why do our teens keep falling back into old habits? Whether it’s big changes like making healthier life choices or smaller ones like working out more, change is hard! But why? Why is change so hard? And at the same time, it’s also hard to watch someone go through the stages of change, isn’t it? When your struggling teen knows their behavior isn’t w…
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What can you do as a parent when your teen is refusing therapy? Or when your kid stops engaging in therapy? I have a question for you, parent: Do you know WHY your struggling teen doesn’t want to go to therapy (anymore)? “I think most people really want to rise to what level they can and there’s probably something significant in the way if they’re …
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What do you do when things aren’t working and it feels like there’s nothing left to be done? Whether your teen is isolating themselves in their room, refusing to go to school, self-harming, refusing to eat, refusing therapy, or any other negative pattern you find yourself in with your struggling teen, we sometimes reach the point where it feels lik…
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Should you support your teen in college if he’s still using? Or let your daughter go to prom when she’s still breaking curfew? You want to support your teen in healthy behaviors but how do you go about that when they’re still showing maladaptive behaviors? You don’t want to take away activities that have a positive, healthy impact on your teen but …
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Going back to old patterns is part of the process. In a perfect world, we’d change our behavior and never make the same mistake again. And so would our struggling teens. But perfection doesn’t exist, and there’s no such thing as a magic switch that makes everything work out perfectly all of a sudden. I know how hard it is to experience a setback yo…
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Are you allowing your child to learn through failure? There’s a thin line between offering safety and comfort. Just like safety, offering comfort to your kid is a way of protection. It’s a way to protect your child so they don’t have to experience the hardships and difficulties that you had to go through yourself. But is it really in your child’s b…
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When does your help start to hinder your teen’s growth? As parents, we want to help our kids as much as possible and protect them from discomfort. It seems like our generation has taken this belief to an extreme though. Did you know that the age at which parents allow their kids to go out and explore the world by themselves autonomously (for exampl…
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Listening is the key that unlocks understanding and it allows us to be more helpful to our teens (and others!). So how can we become better listeners? Not only to our struggling teens, our children, but to everyone around us? “The more I let go of what I think my adult children should or shouldn’t do, the more they have taken accountability for the…
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How can you help your teen become more independent? This one simple question will help you boost your parenting skills for daily decision-making. Parenting is an interesting thing… One day our child is completely dependent on us and we’re in charge of everything. Then they grow up and it’s hard to know what we’re still in charge of and what not. Ho…
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How can you help your struggling teen take more accountability? What can you do to help your teen understand choice, consequence, and accountability? Those are the questions Seth and I will be exploring in today’s episode. [Struggling to set boundaries & consequences? Check out my free guide to help you create your own Parent Home Plan 🗺️] Our brai…
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How can you prepare for your teen to come home after treatment? Last week’s guest mom of a teen struggling with his mental health, suicidal ideation, and self-harm is back and we dive deeper into the journey after treatment, and the lessons she learned (and is learning) in order to come to her own way of being so she can be the best parent she can …
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“We were mentally panicked. We didn’t want our kid to die and we didn’t know what to do.” Today's episode will hit close to home for many of you. We're diving into the raw and real journey of a mother facing her son's struggles with mental health, including suicidal ideation and self-harm. She reflects on her son growing up as an emotionally needy …
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80. What to Do When Your Teen Is Stuck in Unhealthy Behavior? Have you ever found yourself in that heart-wrenching place where you're watching your child or young adult spiral into unhealthy behaviors? Seth and I know that pain all too well, both from our professional experiences and personal journeys. Today, we delve deep into the complexities of …
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Ever noticed your brain filling with worst-case scenarios when you have limited information on what’s happening? We’ve all been there. It’s what our brains do. But why? And how can we make sure we’re not parenting out of fear? In this episode, Seth and I explore the concept of fear-based parenting and the tendency to jump to negative conclusions wh…
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Collaborating with your child on technology habits, can you imagine? Or your child making the decision to put down their game console and go for a run instead, not because ‘mom’s been nagging about it’ but because it’s what they want themselves? In this second part of my interview with Emily, we’re diving deeper into how you can collaborate with yo…
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Are you feeling overwhelmed by the constant battle to manage your children's screen time? Maybe you worry that it’s too late? Today’s guest, Emily Jones, is the brain behind Family Tech University and shares her insights with us today on how to approach this modern parenting dilemma. She emphasized that while it's crucial for parents to set effecti…
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How can you shift your parenting focus from your children's behaviors to understanding the emotions and needs driving those behaviors? We know how easy it can be to fall into the trap of focusing solely on your child’s behavior. It’s what you see, what’s on the forefront, and it’s so easy to notice: whether they wake up in time, their grades, etc. …
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How can I not rescue, and not enable, and at the same time not leave my kid completely in the dark when they’re struggling? This is the question we’re going to dive into in today’s episode. As a parent, it’s SO hard to see your kid struggling and not knowing how to help. I’ve been there, and I know it’s beyond a nightmare. You’re fearful of doing t…
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How can you support your teen with their college applications without writing every single essay for them? If you have a graduating senior in the house, this question has probably crossed your mind. Are they actually writing their essays? Are they putting in enough effort? How much should you bug them about it? Today’s guest, Maggie Kang, MD, found…
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Are you choosing to suffer? Pain is part of life – we can’t avoid it. Today’s guest, Maggie Kang, experienced this first-hand when her 9-year-old daughter got diagnosed with a rare disease. The pain this brought was inevitable. But there’s a difference between pain and suffering. Suffering happens when we resist the pain. By resisting to accept wha…
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How do you respond when your kid is feeling sad? Will you try to fix things for them? Help them out? It might feel like the right thing to do but you’re sending out a different message than you likely intended. Seeing your kid struggle with their emotions is hard for many reasons. You want to make them feel better. Sometimes, you might even be runn…
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How do you live with your teen who’s using? And how do you know whether your behavior as a parent is supportive or enabling? There’s a fine line between the two… As if that isn’t hard enough to figure out already, additionally, many parents are afraid of losing the relationship they have with their teen by having hard conversations or sticking to t…
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School and academics can cause a lot of tension in your household. No matter your good intentions or whether or not you have the skills and knowledge to help your teen with their school work, getting guidance and encouragement from you can be triggering for them. On the other hand, it can also cause a lot of frustration for you as the parent when y…
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What would it feel like if you just got to love your child at the dinner table instead of having conflicts over due dates or presentations? To be able to take that completely out of the equation? An Executive Function coach might be exactly what your family needs. Chrissy Nichols is an Executive Function coach who specializes in helping teens reint…
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The journey your teen is on isn’t an easy one. They’re trying to make healthier choices, also when it comes to the people they hang out with. As a parent, you might feel relief when your child decides to cut ties with a ‘bad influence’, making it hard for you to empathize with them. But remember that it’s a completely different experience for them.…
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Christmas is around the corner and brings along a certain level of stress and anxiety in parents and teens alike. We want the holidays to be fun and merry and have a lot of expectations about what it will or should be like. But when not everything turns out the way we expected, it’s those expectations that bring frustration and disappointment. Join…
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Backburner issues: those little things we’re annoyed about but feel too small or irrelevant to discuss. So we put them on the backburner where they keep growing and growing until they become this big issue in our relationship. Sounds familiar? In this second part of my interview with Tanya Hale, who’s an incredible mid-life relationship coach, she …
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Are you parenting your kid as a team or does it feel more like you’re in the boxing ring with the other parent, trying to prove that you’re right and they’re wrong? When emotions run high, it’s sometimes hard to acknowledge that you’re on the same team as the other parent. Instead of sitting down and listening to each other, we automatically shift …
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How much support is too much? There’s a therapist, a tutor, an EF coach, maybe a mentor, and a basketball coach, and sometimes our kids are just like: ‘That’s enough!’. We must figure out how to listen to them and still give them the support they need. At a certain point, we need to give our kids the time and space to implement what they've learned…
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Wilderness isn’t bad, nor good. Hard, nor easy. A blessing, nor a curse. These are the thoughts we might have, but they’re not the facts. In this episode, I’m (re)introducing the concept of facts versus thoughts (in other words, the stories we make up in our minds) in the concept of our wilderness experiences. The experience of wilderness is made u…
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Sending your kid away to treatment often comes with a lot of shame. The shame of not being a good enough parent, not being the person that can help them, and so on. This inner critic shows up in your head and can be incredibly loud, right? I’m continuing my conversation with David Bedrick and we invite you to have a different look at this inner cri…
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